Please back Steve

Regular readers will be surprised to see me trying to influence Labour party selections. But I can't sit back and watch Steve Rotheram pushed out again by another high-flying parachutist imposed London.

So I am taking the unusual step of appealing directly to my many loyal (and not so loyal) Labour readers to do whatever they can to help Steve get selected.

This is no slight on Patrick Moloney, who is the Lib Dem candidate for Walton. I have yet to met him, but I am told he is also a very nice chap and would make a great MP. And it would be great to know that whichever of them won, Walton will end up with a good MP who will fight for local people.

I met Steve during his period as Lord Mayor, and will never forget how he took time to shake my paw and scratch behind my ear.

I can't say a single bad word about him, he is such a genuinely nice bloke, who has shown himself to be a good ambassador for our city.

With Steve Rotheram & Colin Eldridge working together, we would have at least two MPs who will put the interest of Liverpool above tribal party politics and fight for our city.

That's got to be better than the collection of malcontents and greasy-pole climbers, who have put their own promotions or egos first, that we have had to endure in recent parliaments.

Have a great weekend!

Lots of love & licks,
Dude

Lucianalambanana

In an effort to try and gain a place in Scousers hearts, young Luciana hijacked a much loved Liverpool icon to get her message across.

-----------------update------------------

I had to update this page to make sure you all saw this very funny description of the picture by Ethical Bill.

"A sort of Lady Godiva in reverse, riding through the town fully clothed to support a Government that leaves the poor to be harshly taxed while allowing billionaires to get away with paying less tax than their cleaners!"

Nice one Bill, wish I'd thought of it!

Kilfoyle quits

So, hot off the press is news that highly respected Walton MP Peter Kilfoyle is standing down.

Is this Dude's second expenses scalp? Or have Joe, Louise Ellman and Luciana finally managed to push him out.

His free thinking and his statesman like stand against New Labour Carpet Baggers won him many enemies on his own side, but can he really be expected to go quietly?

And who will succeed him? As Dude predicted, this was always a better seat for Steve Rotherham to throw his hat in for. But will he get his chance?

Will it be another all women shortlist? Does Luciana have a sister? Perhaps Steve needs to raise funds for a trip to Amsterdam. A quick operation could have him seriously in the running again!

Alternatively, it is so close to the election now that the NEC will impose a candidate. Nice majority, little work involved, so a great opportunity for another carpet bagger.

How about Mrs Blair, or perhaps this is where Peter Mandelson plans to make his much talked about come back, in preparation for a leadership bid after the election.

Luciana's pledges

Arrogant Luciana may have ruffled a few feathers with her second leaflet.

She announces (several times) what she plans to do "WHEN I am elected as your member of parliament."

Voters may be surprised to learn that their imperious leader has decided that democracy will be suspended in Wavertree, as they can't be trusted to vote for the cockney lady in the red rosette.

So choice will apparently be taken away from them and Luciana will be your MP, even if none of you vote for her!

OK, admittedly that sounds just like the Labour selection (can you find any Labour member who will admit voting for her?)

Like all of my species, I study human nature very closely. And over the years I have picked up that people (in Liverpool at least) don't like that sort of arrogance, any more than they like carpet baggers.

What next I hear you ask? "When I am elected, I will have a very big house on my expenses... your just jealous!"

And as someone pointed out in the Echo letters page, she keeps on getting her leaflets printed in Cambridge (with her mates down south?) can someone please have a quiet word and explain that we do have printers oop north. Where does she think we print Whippet's Weekly and the "Which Cloth Cap" guide?

green Eagle

Many thanks to the Eagle Eyed reader who sent this lookalike in.

Sam the Eagle is well known for thinking himself more "highbrow" and intellectual than the other characters on the show and has a great sense of superiority.

Any such similarity with a certain green councillor is purely co-incidental.

And so our long season of lookalikes could be coming to an end, unless you have other ideas?

Have you spotted a lookalike we haven't done yet? If so, send it in to me or to Sally quick as you can.

Luciana's local pad

You will recall Luciana claimed in her first press release to have been living in Liverpool since last year, even though Jane Kennedy said "the kid had nowhere to stay" during the selection process in January.

Since then the hunt has been on to track down her home in the city that backs up this outlandish claim.

So full marks to Picton terrier Timbo, who may have sniffed out her rather compact, but cheap, accommodation address recently. And it has the added advantage of being able to be loaded onto a van for transport back to London on May 7th.

Final Demand

And now for the latest round of the expenses saga (actually have any of our "Past their sell by date" MPs claimed for a Saga Holiday?).

Peter Kilfoyle was forced to repay £324.16 for Mortgage interest overpayments. Small beer perhaps, but maybe he should have employed his daughter to independantly research how much he was actually paying in interest before he put the claim in?

Meanwhile Jane Kennedy received a demand to repay £2,569.83 for Mortgage interest/council tax/utility bill overpayments and Mobile phone bills. But never mind dear, you got away with the £400 a month in food, and £20,000 "redundancy payment" for resigning twice. And of course you will be getting another £60,000 to soften the blow in May. Don't spend it all at once.

Of course, the taxpayer can expect much bigger windfalls from Labour MPs, such as the £20,000 that the boyfriend of lovely Luciana was forced to repay, after he was caught renting a flat from his sister.

But the prize for getting away with it has to go to Jane Kennedy's "close friend" Geoff Hoon who got away with building up a £1.7 million property empire by flipping his allowances.

Now that would pay for a few holidays in retirement!

Lots of love, Sally!

Two conspiracy theories for the price of one

It seems I have set the trend once again, and our Luciana is now the subject of satire across the city and nationwide.

I just came across this fantastic picture Liverpool Confidential complete with campaign interview with Jim Royle.

Meanwhile Labour's civil war escalated as Riverside Labour MP and Labour Friends of Israel member Louise Ellman accused Walton Labour MP Peter Kilfoyle of an "anti Zionist conspiracy."

Joe the Pitbull had already slammed Peter Kilfoyle, suggesting he was past his sell by date, only for Kilfoyle to hit back suggesting that Joe was incompetent.

At this rate will any of Labour's senior figures in Liverpool be talking to each other by polling day?

Top of the hate list of course must be Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy who created this mess in the first place by setting up her protégé.

You have to wonder if she's actually a mole trying to bring Labour down from the inside. Is this plan b from the curry house plot?

Richard McDursley

Watching a film with the kids over the weekend gave me another lookalike idea for your entertainment.

This famous resident of Little Whinging kept poor Harry Potter locked in the cupboard under the stairs for years, so no doubt we can thank Labour Councillor Richard Mclinden for influencing Daniel Radcliff's decision to come out as a Liberal Democrat.

And is that Nick small I see with him?

Did you miss me?

Clearly not, seems to be the answer, and who could blaim you when you had the lovely Sally The Sheepdog taking my place.

She did such a good job I think I should really give her a regular column.

So where was I?

Well on vet's advice I took a few weeks off to relax. It'sa stressful job running an award winning blog, particularly when you have to deal with regular threats of violence or death. Not something any little dog should endure, and the RSPCA are investigating.

So I took some time off, acceping a long standing invitation from family in Linconshire to go and stay in their lovely cottage.

As you would expect, the sausages were amazing and I really didnt want to come home.

But all good things come to an end, and now I'm back home.

And there is so much to catch up on!

I will be grilling my regular sources for more juicy stories, so watch this space.

Lots of love and licks,
Dude

Rickaaaaaaaay!!!

Just as you thought the Berger campaign couldn't get any more farcical, in steps Jim Royle (aka Ricky Tomlinson) threatening to launch a classic "Berger my A*se" campaign.

Can't wait to see the window posters appearing.

And so she has become the subject of satire in a much more mainstream than the community than covered by this blog, as you can see here in The Spoof! Next stop Private Eye? Nothing to do with me, honest Luce!

Whether she did in fact think that shankly was a cut of meat, we can only speculate. But I do like the idea that Independent Labour activists could be putting Stan Boardman up as a candidate in Kensington & Chelsea - he would have about as much chance as our Luciana has here!

Yet she has come back fighting with half a barrel blazing. In her defense steps Cherie (any chance of a freebie) Blair. Must have cost you a pretty penny in free mugs.

However if you had visited Liverpool during Blair's premiership, you would realise that they weren't popular here even before Iraq.

Rolling pins at dawn

Pull up those stockings and put your curlers in, as Councillor Joe (batty) Hanson could well be drawing his rolling pin to star in a potential remake of last of the summer wine.

Co-stars, Compo (claim) Brant and Foggy (or is that tobacco smoke?) Kennedy, are yet to be confirmed.

Swiss Tory

At last I have found a photo of our Swiss banker Tory candidate.

I had to act fast, to show you this before anyone else does."Standing for the Tories in Liverpool is rather like making love to a beautiful women.... you try to pace yourself for a long campaign, and your dream is to come second. But in the end it all falls flat, and your left making up excuses for why it keeps happening to you."

Now her boyfriend quits

More bad news for Luciana, as her 41 year old Minister boyfriend announces he is quitting parliament, claiming he wants to be Mayor of Birmingham instead.

By co-incidence, a few weeks ago he was exposed for breaking parliamentary rules by renting his second home from his sister, and forced to repay £20,000.

Of course, he is best remembered as a childish blogger, making a sick Youtube video telling viewers it would be cool to sleep with David Cameron's wife and take his children away.

Our Luciana does seem to prefer to be associated with powerful people. Hanging round with the Primrose Hill set, allowing rumours that she was going out with Euan Blair, working for Jane Kennedy when she was a Minster, smoozing with the wealthy backers of Labour Friends of Israel, and going out with the Minister for creative industry.

So not only is she losing yet another powerful backer, they also won't be able to set up home together when she moves back to London in a few weeks. Will she be willing to slum it in Birmingham?

Luck that she still has her own flat in Camden to go back to.

But you have to wonder if this is going to put a strain on the relationship?

After all, why didn't the stupid man slip you the wink that he was quitting his relatively safe Birmingham seat, before you got lumbered with a no hoper oop north!

Swiss banker from Bucks

Time for another look at Amersham Councillor Mr Garnett, who will wave the blue flag in Wavertree.

He is truly the invisible man, even the national Tory website can't find a photo or biography on him. And perhaps I have found the reason why.

I've done some digging and found him on the Amersham Tory website. where he boasts of being a Director of a large banking corporation.

Further research revealed the bank in question was the highly respectable Union Bank of Switzerland, otherwise known as UBS, famous for holding on to the assets of holocaust victims until 1998. Last year UBS declared losses of £11.6 billion and had to write off $49 billion in sub-prime loans!

If you're looking for someone to blame for the recession, Alf Garnett is the closest you're going to see in Liverpool.

To be honest though, I don't expect our Swiss Banker to do much more than come up for the day, and then fizz back to Bucks.

So get those tomatoes ready!

Pants on fire

The pork pies must have been well supplied as Luciana set up her website.

Her first sentence starts with, "Having moved to Liverpool last year..."

AKA Last month!

But as the Mail on Sunday revealed, she was actually staying in MP Jane Kennedy's house (which just so happened to be where the ballot papers had to be returned to).

As Jane said, "The kid had nowhere to stay and needed a roof over her head!"

So Luciana was homeless, no wonder housing is her number 1 priority! Although she admits she's not had time to think of the other two.

Unfortunately the nasty Council refused to give her emergency accommodation, just because she has a luxury apartment in Camden, where she was running for election until last week.

But here is the big question.

Does leaving a suitcase in a friend's house really count as living here?

In years gone by, eloping couples would evade residency requirements by leaving a suitcase in a rented room in Gretna Green for 21 days before the wedding.

We might turn a blind eye to such a white lie in the name of romance, but surely we expect better from a prospective MP?

Perhaps she has been taking tips from her ex-boyfriend's dad?

Dude's sausages at risk

OK, this is my first attempt at a look-a-like, so I do hope this won't cause too much offence to Dude's regular sausage supplier.

This week we have a lookalike of Scunthorpe United manager Nigel Adkins and Croxteth Councillor (not to mention owner of Churchill's Food Emporium) Phil Moffatt.

It just goes to prove that us Liverpool girls do know a thing or two about football, Luciana.