Finally Spotted

One of my ornithological friends rang me today to alert me to the return of a rare breed that has come back to England for the winter season.

He was referring of course to the lesser spotted bird of Wavertree, the Right Hounourable Jane Kennedy.

She was not in her constituency of course, but you can't have everything!

Still on holiday!!!

I'm told that Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy is still on holiday at her 3rd home in France.

I thought that the long summer recess was meant to give MPs a chance to spend more time in their constituencies, not sunning themselves in the Dordogne or wherever she is.

Her website says that she has not held a surgery since 24th July, and still no indication of when she plans to start them again. That's what I call service!!!

Liverpool is the tops

Yes we knew it already, but Liverpool has been voted as England's top city break after London by Conde Nast Traveller readers.

Liverpool was ahead of Bath (3rd); Oxford (4th); Manchester (5th) and York (6th).

I can also confirm it is the most dog friendly city, with more parkland and trees per person that any other city.

The only think that lets us down as a tourist city is the frequent acts of sabotage by Branson the bearded collie and network rail.

Anyone who wanted to come up from London for the Matthew Street Festival last weekend faced a 7 hour journey with 4 changes. And it was a similar story every weekend during 2008. Yet Virgin Trains was a sponsor of Capital of Culture! With friends like that, who need enemies?

Thanks Mr Brocklebank

One of the things about being a dog is a willingness to take praise from anyone.

So I must admit to giving a little wag of the tail when I was told that one Mr Brocklebank was reviewing my blog in his Daily Post column.

"There are, he explained, a shortlist of suspected town hall terriers behind this canine curmudgeon, whose gallery of Labour look-a-likes raised many a guffaw within the corridors of power. In fact, some Labour members have confessed disappointment their profiles are not high enough to warrant comparison with other mostly fictional characters."

I have no idea who this Brocklebank chap is, (nor I must admit had I heard of him before this article was put under my nose) but all attention is gratefully received.

I wouldn't claim to be a town hall terrier though, I'm not that grand. More of a dog about town with his ear to the ground.

This blog would be nothing without the titbits fed to me by my human correspondents, which I regurgitate here for your pleasure and amusement.

Top Blog Dog

Recently I found out I have been listed in the Total Politics magazine top 75 Lib Dem blogs in the country, but only today did I find out just how well I've done.

Apparently I am listed as the nation's 16th favourite, not bad for a new entry, and only one place behind the popular London Blogging MP Lynne Featherstone.

I am truly astonished and grateful for this level of support, it's a tail in the eye for all those Labour hacks who keep leaving nasty messages saying that no one is interested in a little dog's political musings.

Lots of love and licks to all my loyal fans who came out to support me. I knew you wouldn't let me down.

Extreme sports

I notice that Free Running has hit the headlines recently, with Wirral council banning the sport on that side of the river, so it might surprise you to know that even animals can be into extreme sports.

waiting for the corgi

I really wanted to go for a walk this morning, but instead I am stuck at home waiting for a corgi to visit and sniff round my gas boiler.

To be honest I am not looking forward to it. They are not my favourite breed as they can be snappy, temperamental, and to be frank, a bit up themselves.

But why are they the only breed allowed to work on gas appliances?

I know a really clever border collie who I call in to help me with all technical matters. He struggles to find work at the moment, but this lucrative source of work is closed to him because he was born to the wrong parents.

Is this the last canine closed shop in Britain today?

I can only think that this is a result of unfair royal patronage. Is there any MP out there willing to take up this cause?

Pay as you quit

Imagine if you could get a fat pay off every time you are sacked or quit your job, even if you then took back the position a few months later? Well just ask serial quitter Jane Kennedy who felt she deserved compensation for having her income slashed from £104,000 a year to a mere £64,766 + expenses!

First she resigned as a health minister, and was compensated with a £9,714 lump sum. A few months later she was back as a Treasury Minister, and then Minister for food (thanks to her vast experience at consuming it and sending us the bill, £13,000 don't forget) then she was either sacked or resigned (she's not quite sure which!!!) she trousered another £10,162.

Greedy Jane arrogantly argued that it wasn't worth commenting on.

“It’s an entirely separate job and entirely separate contract. These are just contractual arrangements that you don’t give a second thought to when you’re in the job or leave the job. Becoming a minister is an extremely serious job and it’s full of responsibility. You get paid a salary for doing it and you’re expected to do it over and above your constituency role," she bleated.

I wonder if the thousands of people in Liverpool made unemployed, thanks the way she helped cock up the economy as a Treasury Minister, feel she deserves to be rewarded for her failure. Particularly when she is still pocketing more than three times the average wage of her constituents.

In defence of her own £8,125 pay off, Wallasey's Angela Eagle squawked “I was sacked – that’s why I qualified for severance pay. When you do a job and you get sacked, you’re entitled to severance pay.”

I bet many people in Liverpool would be willing to face the sack, if it meant having their income cut to a mere £64,766!

compromising position

why do the tabloids think dogs are fair game? Is it because they know that most dogs can't afford to sue them? Another one of my colleagues has been caught in a compromising position with a feline friend.

He assures me that he was just getting something out of her eye, but it doesn't stop the sniggering from you humans every time he goes out.

If only all humans were as clever as their dogs

I get a lot of complaints about irresponsible dogs turning a blind eye and letting their humans leave foulings on the pavement. How hard can it be to pick up some poo - are you thinking what we're thinking?

Well I can assure you that most of my species are thoroughly ashamed of this sort of behaviour, so much so that one of my colleagues has taken matters into his own paws in the hope of getting the message across. If Rex can do it, so can you humans!

Caption competition

Runaway Jane Update

I am told that Jane is currently in France, allegedly visiting her 3rd home... So maybe no announcement this week.

I wonder who they would get to replace her if the rumour turns out to be true? Lou-Bo must surely consider herself in the running, or how about the ambitious fortnightly Nick (who has his own four legged campaign team)?

Then again Joe the Pitbull might be attracted by the higher salary. After all, first he had is own request for a pay rise knocked back by an independent panel who decided he wasn't worth it, then pledged to give himself a bumper raise if he became council leader. All could well be attracted by the thought of a monthly food allowance, and a post in the shadow cabinet.

Please form an orderly queue for a chance to take Jane's seat on the New Labour gravy train - departure delayed until May 2010 due to backbone failure at Downing Street.

Runaway Jane?

There's a story going round that Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy will announce next week that she's quitting parliament.

Or perhaps she is just going to announce that she is quitting her unhealthy habit of claiming £400 for food every month. We shall have to wait and see.

Pile on the £Pounds

You would think that an MP claiming £13,000 worth of food on her expenses wouldn't be so churlish as to complain about putting on weight?

Not so for Jane Kennedy who was featured in the Independent in 2006, complaining how being a
Labour Minister can pile on the pounds (clearly on both your hips and your bank balance!)

"You find you can't get into the dress sizes you want to... You start to think: 'I'm looking dreadful in photographs'... So I started WeightWatchers in June (2005) and by September, I'd lost half a stone." Jane Kennedy January 2006

Jane, I know you're an opponent and I shouldn't really give you advice, but I can recommend trying out Dude's top weightwatchers tip.

BUY LESS FOOD YOU GREEDY HUMAN!!! You will lose weight, and the rest of your electorate will save money! It's win win all round.

Harry Potter & the Lib Dem campaign

No sooner do I get back from watching the latest instalment of Harry Potter (had to sneak in and watch from under a chair - why is it OK for cinemas to ban dogs?) we find out that our big screen hero is in fact a Liberal Democrat, at least when he's back in the muggle world!

On Gordon Brown, Daniel Radcliffe has this to say: 'Paul Merton said, and I agree with him, "It's a tragedy that this man has waited all his life to do this job - and now he finds out he can't do it."

But he's equally scathing about Cameron, who is "barely distinguishable from Tony Blair." Adding that Labour and the Tories "have nothing to offer to young people."

So as well as being a fantastic and versatile young actor, he also has great political judgement!

Congratulations to Daniel for coming out (politically!) I am sure he can help add a bit of extra magic to the campaign.

Annual Dinners

Clearly their is a pecking order for political annual dinners, the more important your constituency is, the bigger the speaker.

I'm told that in recent years Liverpool Lib Dems have had Nick Clegg, Lembit Opik, Paddy Ashdown, to name a few. And I am really looking forward to Vince Cable sharing is economic wisdom with us in a few months.

In contrast, Little-Totherington-Under-Wold Liberal Democrats recently had to make do with a speech from me, on the subjects of beating Labour and the importance of keeping your campaign workers fed and watered.

Labour in Southport have the same problem of course, so it no wonder that, according to my blogging nemesis Lou-Bo Bulldog, they had to make do with West Derby wanabee Stephen Twigg. No doubt sharing his vast expertise on carpet bagging, and what to do if you accidentally get elected after telling your employer that you are just a paper candidate.

Vote Dude

I know many of you have been hoping for a chance to vote for me, well here it is!

Total Politics have opened the voting for your favourite political blogs. Email your ten favourite blogs (ranked from 1-10) to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com

The rules are simple.

1. You must vote for your ten favourite blogs and ranks them from 1 (your favourite) to 10 (your tenth favourite).
2. Your votes must be ranked from 1 to 10. Any votes which do not have rankings will not be counted.
3. You MUST include ten blogs. If you include fewer than ten your vote will not count.
2. Email your vote to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com
3. Only vote once.
4. Only blogs based in the UK, run by UK residents are eligible or based on UK politics are eligible.
5. Anonymous votes left in the comments will not count. You must give a name
6. All votes must be received by midnight on 31 July 2009. Any votes received after that date will not count.

VOTE DUDE THE DOG - you know it makes sense

Swine flu update

News just in that Mrs Blair is suspected to have caught a mild case of swine flu.

I trust she will get well soon, but I wonder if this is a legacy from a decade of having a snout in the trough?

Never knowingly missing a freebie, I will never forget the story of how she was in Liverpool for the unveiling of a train, and was offered a commemorative Merseyrail mug. Her response? "Can I have a set of six?" This from a family on at least £1/4 million a year + expenses. Oh how the other half live!

Badger butcher

Even though Liverpool Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy has been sacked as a Farming Minister she promised to carry on fighting for farming issues "from the backbenches".

She told the Yorkshire Post that she may take up the fight in favour of slaughtering Britain's badger population, saying "I always found it hard to explain why we were culling cattle with such severity but not moving against wildlife."

While I am sure that news will be welcomed by some members of Wavertree's farming community, I'm not quite sure how in touch she is with most of her constituents.

And you have to wonder if rural affairs are taking too much of her time? For instance, I don't recall seeing her campaigning to stop our burns unit moving to Manchester, even though Alder Hey is in her constituency.

Personally, I'm on the side of the badgers, if we are going to allow them to be shot, lets arm them and give them a chance to fight back!

£13,000 for food

What has Jane Kennedy been eating, Caviare and lobster every night? Does she shop in Harrods?

I'm talking about the shocking news that JFK (as her ex is rumoured to call her) has managed to spend £13,000 on food in just four years, and claimed it on her expenses.

Since this is supposed to only be food for her London home, where she lives alone for half the week, we can only assume she spends just as much the rest of the week when she is back in Liverpool with her boyfriend.

Perhaps she could furnish some recipts to show that she doesn't live in opulance when we are paying the bill, but more within her means when she is paying?

News that this information was being circulated around Kensington was enough to send my nemesis Lou-Bo into a rage at the Newsham Park Arts Festival.

Jane really should get down to that nice Mr Moffat's shop, I'm sure he will do her a good deal on sausages or a piece of pork, which should keep her satisfied for days without landing the rest of us with a big bill.

B.S.E (Buy Shedloads on Expenses)

Tabloid Shocker

Thanks to my mate on Fleet Street for sending me an exclusive preview of tomorrow's front page, exposing the Kensington Ward Councillor's latest outburst.

More farmyard antics

Rosie's tuck shop

It's not been a good week for renegade Rosie, who today has been subject to rather cruel and uncalled for comments about her weight in the Daily Mail Size 16 female Labour MP claims crisps, doughnuts and a whole tuck shop full of goodies on her expenses.

I won't take the moral highground because I am rather partial to the occasional doggy-choc myself as well as any other treats that humans are willing to pass my way.

Some of us are just naturally preconditioned to stuff our faces at every opportunity, get over it!

Another £6K Bathroom

Skem MP and former Liverpool Councillor Rosie Cooper has emerged as the latest Labour MP to have expensive tastes in bathrooms, having her £6,376.99 bill rejected by the normally lax fees office. But to save her from wilting too much, they did let her claim £16,000 to renovate her second home.

Do Labour MPs feel they have the right to have bathrooms befitting of senators in ancient Rome?

Degsy wastes HIS OWN money, for a change

Ok, its small fry compared with what he cost the city, but do we feel just a little bit sorry for Derek Hatton now he has lost £300,000 of his own money in his latest Cyprus property venture? Err, to be honest, now we don't.

Should I post this?

I though long and hard before agreeing to post this latest lookalike, sent in by one of my lovely readers.

After all, she has had a tough time, feeling disappointed and let down, been pilloried by the press and rumoured to stressed, tired and emotional. Dare I do anything else that might contribute towards pushing her over the edge?

It was a tough call, but in the end I thought I shouldn't engage in censorship. My public had a right to see this so that they can make up their own minds.

Want a passport? Deliver Labour Leaflets!

I don't normally look at the Daily Mail, but I was just astonished to read this.

It now seems that 50 hours helping the Labour party deliver leaflets or stuff envelopes will help you to get a British passport.

Now don't get me wrong, I am all in favour of the idea of community service being used as a factor to help evidence a claim to citizenship, but it's just typical of Labour to be so prescriptive and set targets. And is it really voluntary work if you are doing it just to get something in return.

Well we know what the Daily Mail's agenda is (after all this is the paper that originally backed Hitler & Mussolini and praised Oswald Mosley with an article entitled "Hurrah for the Blackshirts") but lets look at this from the other end.

One of the biggest single casework issues MPs get are immigration and asylum issues. There is something very offensive about the idea that a politician could say to someone asking for their assistance, "Deliver leaflets for me and then I will help you get a passport."

I truly hope that no politician is temped to take advantage of this involuntary labour force to try and get their message out. I can think of few actions that could be more shameful to British politics.

In defence of my second home

Some people have questioned why my second home expenses are so small, and say that I can't really be living in that kennel. Well I am appalled at those comments.

Do you know what this is about? People feel sorry for me. I've got a very, very small kennel. Some people say it looks like a dwarf's shed, but it's a late 20th century timber framed dogs kennel. It's not particularly attractive, but it just does me nicely and it's got room to actually plant a few blades of grass.

I still don't know what all the fuss is about. What right does the public have to interfere in my private life?

Not smearing but spinning

If you noticed smoke billowing out of an office on Prescott Road this morning, it was most likely coming off the keyboard of Matt Finnegan, Jane Kennedy's highly paid spin master.

By the evening, Jane Kennedy's office was flooded with letters of support, which where dutifully sent off to Daily Post columnist (and Paul Brant lookalike) David Bartlett, who promptly posted them on his blog in order to inform and amuse his reader.

Surely this is just the sort of shameless New Labour spin that Jane Kennedy has railed against? No, as she told Jeremy Paxman last night, "I have no problem with spinning... I separate spinning from smearing."

Oh dear Jane, you slipped off Matt's carefully crafted script there didn't you?

One of the supportive letters said, "You were always game for a fight if the cause was just."

So lets look at the just causes you were not prepared to fight or resign for.

- An illegal war in Iraq - VOTED FOR
- Making local kids pay for the education you got for free - VOTED FOR
- Introducing ID cards - VOTED FOR
- Stripping the nation of it's civil liberties - VOTED FOR
- Student top up fees - VOTED FOR
-Foundation hospitals - VOTED FOR
- Greater freedom of information - VOTED AGAINST
-An investigation into the illegal war in Iraq - VOTED AGAINST
-Cutting benefits to the disabled - VOTED FOR
-Re-opening Broadgreen A&E (which you supported in opposition) DID NOTHING EVEN WHEN YOU WERE A HEALTH MINISTER
Locking your constituents up for 3 months without trial - VOTED FOR
-Cutting benefits to lone parents - VOTED FOR
- Making the sick and elderly sell their homes to pay for care - VOTED FOR

So on every just cause where you could have stood up for the people who voted for you, did you fight? No you rolled over for Blair & Brown to tickle your tummy! No wonder humans have such contempt for politicians these days.

Kennedy Sacked

So Jane Kennedy says she has been sacked. Or has she resigned?

This is all very odd, since people normally try to save face by insisting that they resigned rather that admit they have been sacked. Jane seems to have got this mixed up.

Does she get a redundancy payout if she's sacked as a minister, but nothing if she resigns? That could explain it.

Now, no longer on £104,000 a year, she will be more in touch with the ordinary folk of Wavertree, as she scrapes by on a mere £64,000 + the £400 a month she claims for food (even I couldn't eat that many sausages) + £200 for gas and electric, £200 for telephone bills and £200 for service and maintenance and the £xx,000 she pays her partner as a "researcher".

Tough times indeed, might even have to sell the gîte darling.

Nevertheless a risky strategy. Gordon is no doubt ordering the removal of all central Labour party support from Jane's already lacklustre re-election campaign and no high profile ministerial visits for you (actually that could help - Ed).

Still, at least you will get about £60,000 redundancy pay after the next election (half of it tax free).

_______________UPDATE_________________

Interesting Echo Comment column tonight.

"So, Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy’s view is that she was sacked from the government, while the PM’s is that she resigned.
It’s pitiful, isn’t it? No wonder the country is in turmoil. Do they even know what day it is?"

Oh I laughed until I was left panting for breath!

One term Rosie?

I know I am stepping out of my geographical boundary again, but I couldn't help noticing the astonishing meltdown in the Labour stronghold of Skelmersdale.

The Skem MP (and former Liverpool Councillor Rosie Cooper, who defected to Labour with a promise of a seat in parliament) looks like toast at the next election. Unless she can defect again, to the Tories!

Labour meltdown part II

So yet again Labour have come third (in a real election) behind the Liberal Democrats, and lost more than half their councillors and every council they were defending.

Labour appear to have given up the ghost. I reported yesterday that even The Bulldog hasn't bothered to put up a Labour poster, and I have since been told that Picton Ward Labour candidate Timbo the Terrier (who lives opposite a major polling station) didn't want to be publicly associated with them either.

Apparently Labour didn't even turn up for the opening of ballot papers last night - completely unheard of - unable to bare standing to watch the extent of thier crushing defeat. as they already knew that the Labour vote would collapse across the city.

Best news of the night? Well my sources tell me that the BNP didn't have much to smile about last night from Liverpool's results, and decent Scousers literally queued to get into the polling stations to vote to keep the fascists out. Good humans!

Turnout was up massively compared to 1999, which was the last time Liverpool had a European Election that wasn't all postal.

Labour are sure to face even more calls for a General Election as their infighting causes the pound to spiral and they drift from crisis to crisis. This little dog says, "Bring it on!"

Borris dunking

Fab video of the mop haired clown of London getting in deeper than he expected.