Night in the Newz Bar

Thanks for this press cutting sent in from Mr Bailout.

Keep them lookalikes coming!

Another comedian

Liam the Lurcher may be the Bulldog's favourite lapdog, but Fylde's finest might be stepping onto the stage while he's fighting to be a Blackpool MP with his young Harry Enfield stand up routine.

Watch Liam's party political broadcast here.

And they keep on coming

And another lookalike, this one from Mr Bailout again.

F.A.O Mr D Dog Esq,

Sir,
I have been following your "Lookalaike" articles with some interest since you published them on your

satirical website. My chauffeur informs me that Liverpool was once home to a popular musical group by the name of The Beatles. Apparently, one of their songs was named "I Am The Eggman". This prompted

me to look through our archives once again. Eventually, I came across a picture which drew a startling

resemblance to the Leader of the Liverpool Labour Group. Therefore, I offer it to you for your consideration.

My very best wishes,

R.B.S. Bailout Esq.

Lloyds Court

Whitehall 117M

CCK1 UP

Sidebottom returns

You know it is, it really is! Singer Frank Sidebottom has come out of retirement to play the fictional character of Jim Noakes, a Labour councillor in Clubmoor.

Will he be persuaded to redo one of his hit numbers for the much vaunted Councillor Idol talent contest?

Another lookalike

A big thanks to Mr Bailout for another lookalike.

Dear Mr D Dog Esq,
The recent Audit Commission report on behaviour of councillors noted the somewhat ungracious way they

occasionally treat each other in ways unbefitting of gentleman. In my view, there is never any excuse to resort

to name-calling and other bad manners. Speaking of which, this reminds me of the lead singer of a similarly-

named popular music group by the name of Buster Bloodvessel. My chauffeur tells me that this name was taken from

the bus conductor in the film " Magical Mystery Tour" [whatever that is]. However, I digress. My main point is

that there seems to be a striking resemblance between said Mr Bloodvessel and the current leader of the Liverpool Labour Group. I attach a photograph for your consideration.

Yours,

R.B.S. Bailout Esq,

Lloyds Court,

Whitehall 117M

CCK UP 1

email: pensiongoldmine@laughingallthewaytothebank.com

Standing against intolerance

Labour Councillors and would be councillors where left stunned after Municipal Pitbull Joe Anderson announced that any Labour member who voted against him would be thrown out of his group.

The irony that he did this during a council debate condemning fascism appeared to be lost on Joe.

A fellow Labour frontbench Councillor went on to demonstrate his libertarian credentials, by calling on a Lib Dem to be "taken away and locked up" for pointed out that the rise of the BNP was partly due to Labour abandoning the working classes.

He then offered to exterminate members of the British Nazi Party by mowing them down in a bus, if one could be provided and BNP members could be arranged to stand in line.

Bravo! Lets all stand together against intolerance!

A Rose by any other name

A corrie viewer from Croxteth sent this in, astonished at the resemblance of the well know Street character and the fragrant member for her ward.

Moonlighting for Beryl Cook

My new Lookalikes feature seems to have really been a big hit with all my loyal readers, I now have had a dozen uncanny likenesses sent in for me to post over the the next few weeks.

The next one has been sent in by Nick.

By night we might know her as Patsy Cline, and by day as Sharon Sullivan, but it seems the singing councillor has also been moonlighting as a model for the artist Beryl Cook.


Keep them coming, and you keep on coming back for more exiting lookalikes.
Lots of doggie love,
Dude

Greens make homeless sleep in the snow

I was shocked to discover that Liverpool Green Councillors had refused to allow homeless people shelter on freezing winter nights.

The Lib Dem Council, rightly, has a policy to make safe, warm accommodation available when winter temperature drops below freezing. But apparently the city's green councllors refused to allow a community building in their ward to be used. Meaning that some homeless people were forced to sleep rough in temperatures well below freezing.

I hope they are thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Trotting round Kensington

Spent an enjoyable Saturday morning trotting around Kensington and leafy Fairfield, but I was shocked at how much rubbish was dumped everywhere. The area is a disgrace, and no where near as clean as when it was represented by Liberal Democrats.

Message to the Bulldog - I know you read this - GET IT SORTED! You should be ashamed of yourself. Try devoting less time to your inane prattling in the blogsphere and more time getting things sorted for your constituents!

Another lookalike

Just had the following letter, in response to the previous lookalike picture.

I have been advised that a satirical website has been created under the name of "Dude the Dog" which presently carries

a "Lookalike" photograph of the leader of the Liverpool Labour Group. My chauffeur found it quite hilarious when he saw it, but I believe that you might have used the wrong picture. Please find attached an alternative version from our archive which shows that these particular individuals must have, indeed, been separated at birth.

Best regards,

R.S.B. Bailout Esq.

Lloyds Court,

Whitehall 117M

CCK UP 1

Keep em coming!

Lookalikes

Thanks to Gideon for this one.

Any more lookalikes, send them in

"Maggie's a softy" says Field

As if Gordon Brown having Thatcher round for tea wasn't bad enough, we have an amazing story in the Oldham Echo from Wirral MP Frank Field, about how he and other Labour MPs used to go for cozy late night-caps with Liverpool's most hated women.

Apparently, we are led to believe, that Margaret Thatcher was a softy, and served a very fine malt. But this was all kept secret by Labour MP's, realising how unimpressed their constituents would be.

Steel yourself for a shock at the next quote:

"I once witnessed a slightly sozzled Margaret Thatcher plant a smacking kiss on the lips of then-Walton MP Eric Heffer and describe him as "my favourite Socialist"."

Aggggggggggh! Sorry, I've just been sick behind the sofa!

He goes on to say, "She enjoyed a bit of rough..."

I couldn't bare to read any more. Read it yourself here if you have a strong stomach and low blood pressure.

Rest assured, I will never sell out my loyal readers and have the Bulldog round for tea and dog biscuits, and definitely not for love and licks!

Lib Dems coming back

Fantastic news in today's Daily Post that those nice Liberal Democrats are coming back to Liverpool for their Autumn conference next year.

The week long autumn conferences get far more visitors and publicity, so it will be a great boost to Liverpool's economy and image, just as we need it most.

I thought Labour & the Tories had promised to hold there conferences here, we are still waiting for a date? Meanwhile the Lib Dems will have been twice. See Lib Dems ahead of the game as ever!

Give us OUR money!

What a cheek! We now have the Labour Minister for the North West telling today's Daily Post that Liverpool is being hit hardest by the recession.

"Worryingly, the minister fears the recession is now biting hardest in Merseyside, but she insists she has a strategy to prevent a return to the dark days of the “do nothing” Conservative years." Daily Post 23rd Feb 2009

The obvious answer springs up that, the £117 million you have just stolen from us would have helped to reduce the server biting down to something closer to a playful nibble.

In that case, put our money where your mouth is!

So, to all these Labour politicians who I know read this blog (isp addresses such as the.liverpool.labour.party are a bit of a give away chaps) I adopt and adapt the immortal words of Sir Bob Geldof to send you a message on behalf of every man, woman and their dog in Liverpool.

"GIVE US OUR MONEY! GIVE US OUR FECKING MONEY!"

Sad Liam fails again

Liam Fogarty, previously the man from Auntie, and now a one man band for an elected mayor, has failed again.

Two years ago he dramatically (albeit temporarily) left the BBC to campaign full time to be (sorry, to get) an elected mayor for Liverpool.

Yesterday he admitted to the Daily Post that he was sad, and had failed to get the signatures for a second year running.

In two years his campaign has collected only 11,000 of the 17,100 signatures it needs, but each signature is only valid for one year, so he probably has only 5-6000 signatures.

According to the Daily Post's Dave Bartlett, the current runners for the race (if it's ever called) are:-

• Phil Redmond - because Brookside helped reinvent Liverpool's image didn't it?
• Frank McKenna - Disgraced former deputy leader of Skelmersdale, who now claims to be a business lobbyist!
• Liam Fogarty - who couldn't even organise a petition!
• Joe Anderson - who couldn't even organise a p___ up in a brewery!
• Warren Bradley - yeah lets pay him an extra £100K a year to do the jobs he's already doing!

Then again, if Hartlepool can elect a monkey as mayor, perhaps Liverpool is ready for a canine champion? Liam, where can I put my paw print on this petition?

Now that's a promise!

After Warren emerges as the latest Lib Dem to be cleared following a Standards Board complaint by Joe Anderson, Pitbull Joe has promised never to snitch on anyone again.

Thanks to one of my readers for passing me this article from the Local Government Chronicle

"I think the Standards Board has lost the confidence of many, many people in local government," said Cllr Anderson, who filed the original complaint against Cllr Bradley in November 2007. "As far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't make a referral ever again about anyone's activity."

As the Pitbull has managed to report almost every Lib Dem Councillor to the standards board, several times over, I'm sure the Standards Board will be relieved to hear this promise.

Over the years, Joe has whinged to the standards board about everything, from Lib Dems using unflattering pictures of him on leaflets to councillors daring to call meeting to oppose Post Office closures.

I would like to think he has seen the error of his ways and wants to give up being seen as the schoolyard grass. But it probably has more to do with the fact that no one has ever been found guilty as a result of his ludicrous complaints, and he's realised that the standards board just regard him as a time waster!

Lets see how long he can keep his word? After all, Labour politicians usually manage to keep their promises up until the day after election. It's going to be a struggle Joe, but we're all routing for you!

Brainy Paula

Now you already knew these Lib Dems are a brainy lot (just look at how clever their dogs are!) but today's daily post revealed that Cressington Councillor Paula Keaveney is to appear on Mastermind on the 27th February.

I always thought she was a nice lady. First time I saw her she tickled my tummy and gave me a biscuit, although I understand she is more of a cat person.

Good luck Paula, despite your feline allegiances I will have my paws up in front of the telly, routing for you on the 27th.

Paula is also a fellow blogger, and you can catch up with her here.
http://paulakeaveney.blogspot.com/

Catch ya next time!
Lots of Doggy love,
Dude

£117 million down the drain

Labour have said no to £117 million in extra Euro cash for Merseyside - because they didn't want the extra paperwork!

Yesterday the Daily Post reported that Labour Ministers have rejected the offer, claiming that civil servants had already done too much "Winding Up" paperwork on the European Objective 1 programme - In other words, they can't be arsed!

I understand that Lib Dem deputy leader Flo Clucas did a lot of work behind the scenes to get European Commissioners to agree to offer us the cash. Not surprisingly, she is incensed at Labour's betrayal of our city.

With thousands of hard working Scousers at risk of losing their jobs, £117 million could have been a much needed boost to the local economy.

Instead Europe will be forced to hand the dosh over to the treasury, no doubt to be used to continue bailing out the bankers.

Might as well spend it all on sausages, at least I'd be happy!

"Now appologise for being innocent!"

Not Guilty, cleared by Labour's own Standards Board. That was the verdict on Warren Bradley, accused of "bullying" council officials for cocking up the 2007 Mathew Street Festival.

Having spent 18 months demanding Warren resigns, and insisting that he will be found guilty, what reaction would you expect from our very own municipal pitbull, Joe Anderson?

Silence? Keeping his head down? No, instead he demanded that Warren apologises to the people of Liverpool.

WHAT, I hear you say.

Yes that's right. Apologise for being found innocent!

Innocent until proven guilty has been the linchpin of British justice since the Magna Carta. Well, she might have been a lovely girl, but she certainly died in vain!)

Labour have done their best to close that loophole since 1997, ask anyone flown off to Guantanamo Bay in an orange jump-suit!

But here in Liverpool, Joe Anderson appears to have gone one better - Guilty when proven innocent. Clearly, if Joe the Pitbull was in charge, he would make Guantanamo Bay look like Pontins!

Can you hear Magna Carta spinning in her grave? Or is it a Bulldog bleating?

Moving to Liverpool? Kill yourself says Labour!

A Senior Liverpool Labour Councillor stunned conference delegates by suggesting that southerners would be more likely to kill themselves and their families rather than move to Liverpool.

The "All Together Now" event on 24th January, at the Novas Contemporary Urban Centre on Greenleaf Street, was organised by the TUC to discuss the legacy of Liverpool's year as Capital of Culture.

Steve Mumby asked an astonished audience, what would be the more likely reaction if an executive in the south received a letter from his company telling him he was being relocated to Liverpool.

"Would he think, Great, we're moving to a city of culture, good schools, lower house prices etc? Or would he tell his wife and kids to get in the car, attach a hosepipe to the exhaust, and end it all?"

Not surprisingly, the question was greeted with stunned, embarrassed silence.

Why am I surprised every time Labour politicians do something to run our city down? I really should have learnt by now shouldn't I?

If you're reading this Steve, I am more than happy to publish any statement you wish to make to retract these comments.

Naughty Jane caught out

Local Labour MP Jane Kennedy is in the dog house after being caught out by a tabloid sleaze investigation.

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/news/article-1120694/Minister-sleaze-row-research-job-partner-taxpayers-expense.html

Jane has been claiming £83,000 a year in staffing allowances from the taxpayer, some of which she pays to her partner, Peter Dowling, for "research work".

After the high profile Tory sleaze scandals over the summer, MPs were ordered to register the employment of family members. But Jane didn't bother to declare her partner's employment until Friday 16th January, after she found out about the Mail on Sunday investigation.

Amazingly, she hasn't even apologised for misleading the public, instead she brazenly insists she did nothing wrong! What a cheek!

Crime watch dog

Don't advertise your home to thieves!

That's the clear message the police keep trying to get across to people to help in the fight against crime, particularly in holiday seasons.

It's obviously not a message that got through to my blogging nemisis, the bulldog, who advertised on her blog that she was spending Christmas in Portugal.

She certainly has been a very silly girl. Considering takes just a few seconds to find her home address on the internet.

Amazingly, when one of her correspondents warned her of this, she didn't even have the sense to take the post down. Instead she claimed to have "friends" from Australia staying in her house over Christmas while she was off sunning herself!

She must think the burglars are daft! Even the Jack Russell next door wouldn't fall for that one.

P.S. I did my bit by not posting this until she got home. Perhaps she will try to show some more common sense next time.

Wishing you a waggy christmas

I wish you all a waggy Christmas, and that goes to all my readers including the bulldog, rosie the rottweiler, joe the pitbull, timbo the terrier et all.

That nice Phil Moffatt will be dropping round a turkey and some sausages later, I am almost too exited to wait for tommorow's feast. I'm sure I will be dreaming of sausages all night!

Best wishes to you all,
Lots of doggie love,
Dude.

Christmas Card time

Well for the past few weeks I have been walking my paws off to deliver thousands of Christmas cards to all of my supporters and friends.

As ever, we have designed our own card, this year it has santa's sleigh being pulled across the Liverpool skyline by four lambananas. It's been a big hit with young and old alike, and we've had lots of positive comments. Some even asked me where they can buy the cards from! So well done to all the chaps involved in producing it.

Things don't seem to be going as well in the Labour camp.

In Wavertree avid reader of Horse & Hound, Jane Kennedy MP (Minister for waste, flooding and rabies) has sent out a delightful postcard portrait of herself instead of a Christmas card. I am sure her constituents will be delighted and it should take pride of place on everyone's fire(place).

The card also features MEP Arlene McCarthy and candidate Therasa Griffin. No mention of the other two Labour Euro-MPs. Have they fallen out again or is it just a sexist all girls together job? (Should be some euro-legislation against it - ed)

Over in Riverside, the nicer and more personable Louise Ellman has produced something that looks a lot more like a Christmas card. However, she seems to have even fallen out with Arline and is pictured just with Theresa Griffin.

Why can't you all just try and get on well enough to appear on a christmas card?

Larrylambanana update

Many of my regular readers have asked for an update on poor Larry the Lambanana who was so cruelty stripped of his dignity and left to stand out in the cold covered with religious propaganda.

I am pleased to report that Larry has happily been repainted as Santa by the children in his neighbourhood.

I am told that, since this picture was taken, Larry's Lib Dem namesake in Picton personally installed him in the playground, drilling holes in the tarmac so that Larry could be safely installed outside.

How about that for Lib Dem action?

Now Larry is once again available for all of that local community to enjoy, if you pass him on Lawrence Road, give him a wave from me.

See children, every story can have a happy ending when you vote for those nice Liberal Democrats.

How could he miss?

This has to be the best thing I have seen in ages, George Bush almost getting a taste of what he deserves.
From past experience of sniffing the inside of human trainers, this might be the closed they will ever get to finding biological weapons in Iraq!

Just a pity Blair couldn't have been there to get a taste of the same medicine.

Greens go brown

They may be cute, they may be warm and fluffy, (anything to stop you looking at the detail of their policies) , but Liverpool's Greens have come up with a novel idea to improve the environment. Put more cars on the road.

Yes you heard that right, and no we aren't talking electric/hybrid or biofuel cars either. No, it's more petrol cars for the masses.

Is this yet another party to abandon the environment just because there is an economic crisis? At least the Lib Dems are standing firm on this.

If you want to help the environment, get the train/bus/cycle or my favourite, WALKIES!

Superlambavandals

As we approach Christmas, spare a thought for poor Larry the Lambanana.

He thought he had been saved, he thought he would be cared for, when a housing association kindly bought him to preserve him for the community.

Unfortunately they asked Timbo the Terrier's church to look after him for a few days.

Next thing he knew, they were scraping off the artwork that had been lovingly applied by local primary school children, then he was displayed naked for all to see on Gainsborough Road with nothing but Frontline's religious propaganda to keep him warm.


Amazingly, Timbo the Terrier saw nothing wrong with this act of vandalism (not a view shared by the school, the children, or their parents) and used his own Picton Labour newsletter to defend Frontline's actions.

Are you getting your religion & politics mixed Timbo? Better watch it, or you will be mixing in football next.

The Zero star landlord

One of Liverpool's largest landlords is in the doghouse after getting zero stars from the Labour Government's Audit Commission, as reported Here in the Daily Post.

The Housing Association called Venture Housing, with 1,300 homes - mainly in Kensington - was condemned for providing a “poor” and “below acceptable” service to tenants.

Inspectors found an "inefficient repair service and no process of ensuring value for money".

They also found serious issues in the timing and quality of gas servicing, with an unacceptable number of properties without a valid gas certificate.

So you would imagine that Kensington's trusty Bulldog would be on the case, standing up for her constituents and publicly condemning this Housing Association?

She claimed that they deserved better (That's Venture Housing - not her constituents) boasted of how proud she is to be on Venture's board and disappointed by the Audit Commission's treatment.

Lets remind ourselves what she said when Liverpool City Council (of which she is also a member) got 1 star from Labour's Audit Commission.

"Council leaders can bleat about the Audit Commission’s criteria being a blunt instrument. They can whinge about lack of government support. And they can point with some satisfaction to good showings in education, social services and the environment."

Double standards? Shurly not. Just depends which face you are wearing.

Blears says stop blogging

Bloggers like me are destroying democracy, or so says nutty Hazel Blears.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7711562.stm

All these months of telling you amusing stories and giving you titbits about local sausages, I have in fact been undermining the British Political System and corroding the democratic process.

Coming from Ms Blears, I wouldn't be surprised if this is a prelude to sending me, and all other non-Labour supporting bloggers, to Guantanamo Bay!

If I was being generous, I might think Hazel is referring to blogs like Liverpool subculture, used by Labour to print all the lies that even they don't dare print under their own name.

I wonder if my blogging nemesis, and self professed "Nuts about Hazel" supporter (not sure if she has the T shirt) is planning to obey her idol and permanently blog off?

So here is a dangerous view. Hazel is nuts. If you see me being bundled onto a plane, wearing an orange jumpsuit, you will know why.

Catch ya next time, unless the squirrel woman catches me!

The environment's stuffed

Thanks to my blogging nemesis for alerted me to the news that Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy has been sacked..., sorry..., promoted from her job as Financial Secretary to the Treasury to the environmental number 2!

Jane, who's interests are listed as horses and hounds, has said Tally Ho to the world of finance and managing our economy, just as all but the most thoroughbred banks are being carted off to the knackers yard.

Horsey Jane oversaw such triumphs as the loss of benefits data of every child in Britain, thus improving the economic prospects for our nation's ever growing data fraud industry.

Plus, axing 400 local jobs, possibly including The Bulldog if she hadn't jumped first.

And not to mention her involvement in Labour's successful policy of redistributing wealth from all those under productive humans earning less than £18,000 (and therefore giving them an incentive to work harder to try and join the elite group of humans that are too rich to pay tax.)

With a record like that, no wonder she is being promoted away from "the poisonous chalice of HMRC" (as The Bulldog described it)

So with that no longer under her reins, she is trotting off to become Minister of State for Farming and the Environment, her responsibilities listed as:

• Animal health, welfare and disease
• Exotic animal disease policy programme and emergency response capability
• Bovine TB
• The food chain
• Waste and recycling
• Our Water Supply
• Coastal erosion & Flooding

With our Jane in charge, we can be sure she will be able to transfer her record of success to all of these fields, leaving our environment in almost as good health as the financial markets.

My advice is get your TB and rabies jabs, build up your food stores before rationing is brought back, and get on with building that ark in your back garden.

Catch ya next time... unless the floods catch you first!
Lots of doggie love,
Dude

Free Swims For All

I was very pleased to read that the Lib Dems in Liverpool are giving free sports and swims to the elderly.

It's widely known that the Lib Dems gave free leisure passes to all local kids in 2006, and it's resulted a massive increase in the number of kids swimming, playing tennis, squash, badminton, and using the gym. So I hope my older readers will be as quick to take up the offer.

What has not been publicised is that the Council has been offering free swims to the canine community for years.

Just pop down to your local park, and dive in! You will often spot me out doing the doggie paddle, and if you are really lucky, I will give you a free shower when I climb out.

Still, I'm glad to see my human friends are at last catching up with some of the free facilities available to us dogs.

Free swims for everyone - that's my manifesto. First one in the lake gets one of Mr Moffat's wonderful sausages... Just you try and catch me!

Lots of doggie love,
Dude
XXX

Public apology

I feel it is only fair that I issue a public apology to my blogging nemesis The Bulldog for last week's article.

Obviously it was very wrong of me to suggest that she might have a sense of humour or not take herself too seriously. I unreservedly retract such statements.

She claims the article caused confusion and upset for Labour party members, who genuinely believed that she dressed up for a Safe Sex Day. I will leave you to decide what this says about the intelligence of Labour Party members!

However, to suggest that such an important and respected campaign such as the Linda McCartney Breast Cancer Campaign could be damaged, cheapened or belittled just from a bit of gentle teasing - caused by her misusing the photo for her own publicity - shows she is out of touch with reality.

To put it in simple terms that even a Labour member could understand...

Taking part in the Linda McCartney Campaign: GOOD
Using the photo as part of promoting the event: GOOD
Using the photo out of context to promote her blog and herself politically: BAD, and worthy of satire.

If the bulldog cares to use her influence to keep the genuinely libellous Labour run Subculture blog under control, then perhaps she can claim some moral high ground.

Until then, you're only making it worse for yourself luv!

Lots of love and licks,
Dude

Safe sex campaign

I know I often use the pages of this blog to criticise my arch nemesis The Bulldog, so in the interest of balance I have to give credit where it is due.

Kensington Safe Sex Day appears to have slipped past me, but not passed the Bulldog, who decided to make a real effort for the day by wearing a giant condom!

Politicians always take themselves far too seriously, so there is no harm in the occasional stunt that shows they have a sense of humour.

It proves that Bulldog is a sport really, and all credit to her for highlighting this important issue.