Red and Blue can mix

These two are fast becoming bosom pals (with extra marrowbone)!

The one in the red team is a lifelong Blue while the one in the blue team is a lifelong Red. Confused? I think even they are.

After many a cosy chat together, you can start to see a resemblance... well if you put the Pitbull on a very strict diet for a few months, and ironed his face a little.

Of course, both share an interest in receiving taxpayers' money.

With four homes Grayling claiming for a second home (until the expenses scandal broke), even though he lives 14 miles from London. Joe, of course is famous for asking for pay rises from Council Tax payers.

They hope to be working together after next May, which is clearly upsetting some on their own teams.

Kensington Crufts

I'm truly gutted not to have been invited to take part - clearly this was deliberate so as not to cause embarrassment to Jane Kennedy who, in one of her rare appearances, was judging the competition.

Congratulations to the winner anyway.

Standing up for the rich

Owners of £1million+ properties in Kensington and Fairfield will be relieved to hear that their Labour Councillor and my blogging nemesis, Lou-Bo, is sticking up for them against that nasty Robbin Hood character Vince Cable, who's evil tax on the rich would see the money passed on to less deserving poor folk who would just waste it on food and gas bills.

Even worse, she wonders, "Will this penalise the Londoners at the expense of the northerners?"

Less funny is that I didn't see her opposing the scraping of the 10p tax band, which left many hard working families in Kensington and Fairfield up to £400 a year poorer.

Perhaps this is a classic case of wrong blog post in the wrong Kensington? Or has kissing too many Tories driven her to the right?

If she want's to fight the election as the self styled Sheriff of Kensington, then that's fine with me.

Tories back Anderson

If there was ever a sign that there is barely a cigarette paper between Labour and the Tories these days, it was the sight of Tory Shadow Minister Chris Grayling praising our very own Joe Anderson.

“I like Joe, I talk to him from time to time. He’s a decent guy," said Grayling.

News of these cosy chats with the Tories came as a shock to many Labour members, and some will be wondering if there is anyone he won't try to do a deal with in order to get into power.

However, despite his recent admission of being ashamed of Labour, I'm not going to give any credence to the story that our municipal pitbull could in-fact represent the Tories best chance to get a councillor in Liverpool.

In the money

Visitors to a certain chain of bookmakers have been rather disturbed to be greeted by advertising images of a certain former Labour Lord Mayor with a colourful personal life.

His continual success with the ladies has stunned many, his wives included. But fair play to him, he certainly looks like someone who knows where the money is buried.

Lookalike Monday

By popular demand, I am introducing a new season of lookalikes, which will now be in a regular Monday morning slot to brighten up those dreary back to work blues.

And have we got a selection for you over the next few weeks, including a wannabe MP, 4 former Lord Mayors, and a few famous names.

Monday mornings will never be the same again!

Take your dog to work

I'm hard at work in the office this morning, answering the phone, doing a spot of filing and trotting out to welcome visitors.

"Why are you doing this?" I hear you ask.

Well it's national Take Your Dog To Work Day, organized by the Blue Cross, which encourages dog owners to spend more time with their furry friends by taking them into work with them.

Too many of my colleagues are left at home all day to howl and whimper while their owners are out working to pay for their keep. But today you can spend the whole day with your best friend.

Gotta dash, phone's ringing again...

Conspiracy theory

With all the stories about secret deals between Gordon Brown and Colonel Gadaffi, I thought it would be timely to remind everyone that there is many a truth hidden in a conspiracy theory.

Snogging revelation

I am truly shocked at the news that my Labour blogging nemesis Lou-Bo (84 places behind me) has outed herself as, of all things, a Tory Snogger!!!

"I joined friends and colleagues at Manchester Pride last weekend. We marched together wearing our bright red "Never kissed a Tory, never will" T-shirts (not technically true in my case, to be honest it is not the first thing I ask a potential snogee and a few have snuck through over the years" Lou-Bo

I really don't want to dwell on the thought of my nemesis going around randomly snogging tories.

Not that she seems to be feeling much love in Kensington and Fairfield. After three and a half years of rubbing residents up the wrong way, my spies in that neighbourhood tell me that the Lou-Bo name is rapidly turning into a waterlogged earth-like substance.

Has Ellman defected?

I was rather astonished to see this article in today's Daily Mail (not my usual paper I might add) which claims that Louise Ellman is now a Lib Dem MP!

I don't know how that news slipped past me.

Sloppy journalism aside, it was an interesting article. Rightly pointing out that Jack Straw (Labour Justice Minister remember - no matter how much Labour locally try to pretend he has nothing to do with them) refused to free Michael Sheilds until his dad threatened to stand against him at the next election.

What they fail to mention is that Michael could have been free 4 years ago, and anyone else who had actually been guilty of such a crime would by now have probably been let out by Labour anyway.

Feeling a little smug

After my recent success at officially becoming the nation's 16th favourite Lib Dem blog, I was anxious to find out how my local rivals had been doing.

My friendly blogging rival Paula Keaveney came in at a very respectable 30th place, followed by Chris Davies MEP on 33 and Birkdale Focus at 39.

No Merseyside Tory bloggers made the list, with disappointment for Wirral Tory Councillor Chris Blakely, whose blog has so far only brought him a £7000 bill for libel damages and costs.

It was also a very disappointing result though for my Labour blogging nemesis Lou-Bo, coming in at a rather dismal 100th (out of 100).

Bad luck old girl, I'm sure there's someone out there who's reading you. I might pop over to visit tomorrow just to cheer you up...(to your blog that is, I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea!)

---------------------Update-------------------

Louise is very upset by this posting, and I have been asked point out that she came 100/100 on the (loosely defined) left-wing list rather than the Labour one. I am happy to oblige.

Finally Spotted

One of my ornithological friends rang me today to alert me to the return of a rare breed that has come back to England for the winter season.

He was referring of course to the lesser spotted bird of Wavertree, the Right Hounourable Jane Kennedy.

She was not in her constituency of course, but you can't have everything!

Still on holiday!!!

I'm told that Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy is still on holiday at her 3rd home in France.

I thought that the long summer recess was meant to give MPs a chance to spend more time in their constituencies, not sunning themselves in the Dordogne or wherever she is.

Her website says that she has not held a surgery since 24th July, and still no indication of when she plans to start them again. That's what I call service!!!

Liverpool is the tops

Yes we knew it already, but Liverpool has been voted as England's top city break after London by Conde Nast Traveller readers.

Liverpool was ahead of Bath (3rd); Oxford (4th); Manchester (5th) and York (6th).

I can also confirm it is the most dog friendly city, with more parkland and trees per person that any other city.

The only think that lets us down as a tourist city is the frequent acts of sabotage by Branson the bearded collie and network rail.

Anyone who wanted to come up from London for the Matthew Street Festival last weekend faced a 7 hour journey with 4 changes. And it was a similar story every weekend during 2008. Yet Virgin Trains was a sponsor of Capital of Culture! With friends like that, who need enemies?

Thanks Mr Brocklebank

One of the things about being a dog is a willingness to take praise from anyone.

So I must admit to giving a little wag of the tail when I was told that one Mr Brocklebank was reviewing my blog in his Daily Post column.

"There are, he explained, a shortlist of suspected town hall terriers behind this canine curmudgeon, whose gallery of Labour look-a-likes raised many a guffaw within the corridors of power. In fact, some Labour members have confessed disappointment their profiles are not high enough to warrant comparison with other mostly fictional characters."

I have no idea who this Brocklebank chap is, (nor I must admit had I heard of him before this article was put under my nose) but all attention is gratefully received.

I wouldn't claim to be a town hall terrier though, I'm not that grand. More of a dog about town with his ear to the ground.

This blog would be nothing without the titbits fed to me by my human correspondents, which I regurgitate here for your pleasure and amusement.

Top Blog Dog

Recently I found out I have been listed in the Total Politics magazine top 75 Lib Dem blogs in the country, but only today did I find out just how well I've done.

Apparently I am listed as the nation's 16th favourite, not bad for a new entry, and only one place behind the popular London Blogging MP Lynne Featherstone.

I am truly astonished and grateful for this level of support, it's a tail in the eye for all those Labour hacks who keep leaving nasty messages saying that no one is interested in a little dog's political musings.

Lots of love and licks to all my loyal fans who came out to support me. I knew you wouldn't let me down.

Extreme sports

I notice that Free Running has hit the headlines recently, with Wirral council banning the sport on that side of the river, so it might surprise you to know that even animals can be into extreme sports.

waiting for the corgi

I really wanted to go for a walk this morning, but instead I am stuck at home waiting for a corgi to visit and sniff round my gas boiler.

To be honest I am not looking forward to it. They are not my favourite breed as they can be snappy, temperamental, and to be frank, a bit up themselves.

But why are they the only breed allowed to work on gas appliances?

I know a really clever border collie who I call in to help me with all technical matters. He struggles to find work at the moment, but this lucrative source of work is closed to him because he was born to the wrong parents.

Is this the last canine closed shop in Britain today?

I can only think that this is a result of unfair royal patronage. Is there any MP out there willing to take up this cause?

Pay as you quit

Imagine if you could get a fat pay off every time you are sacked or quit your job, even if you then took back the position a few months later? Well just ask serial quitter Jane Kennedy who felt she deserved compensation for having her income slashed from £104,000 a year to a mere £64,766 + expenses!

First she resigned as a health minister, and was compensated with a £9,714 lump sum. A few months later she was back as a Treasury Minister, and then Minister for food (thanks to her vast experience at consuming it and sending us the bill, £13,000 don't forget) then she was either sacked or resigned (she's not quite sure which!!!) she trousered another £10,162.

Greedy Jane arrogantly argued that it wasn't worth commenting on.

“It’s an entirely separate job and entirely separate contract. These are just contractual arrangements that you don’t give a second thought to when you’re in the job or leave the job. Becoming a minister is an extremely serious job and it’s full of responsibility. You get paid a salary for doing it and you’re expected to do it over and above your constituency role," she bleated.

I wonder if the thousands of people in Liverpool made unemployed, thanks the way she helped cock up the economy as a Treasury Minister, feel she deserves to be rewarded for her failure. Particularly when she is still pocketing more than three times the average wage of her constituents.

In defence of her own £8,125 pay off, Wallasey's Angela Eagle squawked “I was sacked – that’s why I qualified for severance pay. When you do a job and you get sacked, you’re entitled to severance pay.”

I bet many people in Liverpool would be willing to face the sack, if it meant having their income cut to a mere £64,766!

compromising position

why do the tabloids think dogs are fair game? Is it because they know that most dogs can't afford to sue them? Another one of my colleagues has been caught in a compromising position with a feline friend.

He assures me that he was just getting something out of her eye, but it doesn't stop the sniggering from you humans every time he goes out.

If only all humans were as clever as their dogs

I get a lot of complaints about irresponsible dogs turning a blind eye and letting their humans leave foulings on the pavement. How hard can it be to pick up some poo - are you thinking what we're thinking?

Well I can assure you that most of my species are thoroughly ashamed of this sort of behaviour, so much so that one of my colleagues has taken matters into his own paws in the hope of getting the message across. If Rex can do it, so can you humans!

Caption competition

Runaway Jane Update

I am told that Jane is currently in France, allegedly visiting her 3rd home... So maybe no announcement this week.

I wonder who they would get to replace her if the rumour turns out to be true? Lou-Bo must surely consider herself in the running, or how about the ambitious fortnightly Nick (who has his own four legged campaign team)?

Then again Joe the Pitbull might be attracted by the higher salary. After all, first he had is own request for a pay rise knocked back by an independent panel who decided he wasn't worth it, then pledged to give himself a bumper raise if he became council leader. All could well be attracted by the thought of a monthly food allowance, and a post in the shadow cabinet.

Please form an orderly queue for a chance to take Jane's seat on the New Labour gravy train - departure delayed until May 2010 due to backbone failure at Downing Street.

Runaway Jane?

There's a story going round that Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy will announce next week that she's quitting parliament.

Or perhaps she is just going to announce that she is quitting her unhealthy habit of claiming £400 for food every month. We shall have to wait and see.

Pile on the £Pounds

You would think that an MP claiming £13,000 worth of food on her expenses wouldn't be so churlish as to complain about putting on weight?

Not so for Jane Kennedy who was featured in the Independent in 2006, complaining how being a
Labour Minister can pile on the pounds (clearly on both your hips and your bank balance!)

"You find you can't get into the dress sizes you want to... You start to think: 'I'm looking dreadful in photographs'... So I started WeightWatchers in June (2005) and by September, I'd lost half a stone." Jane Kennedy January 2006

Jane, I know you're an opponent and I shouldn't really give you advice, but I can recommend trying out Dude's top weightwatchers tip.

BUY LESS FOOD YOU GREEDY HUMAN!!! You will lose weight, and the rest of your electorate will save money! It's win win all round.

Harry Potter & the Lib Dem campaign

No sooner do I get back from watching the latest instalment of Harry Potter (had to sneak in and watch from under a chair - why is it OK for cinemas to ban dogs?) we find out that our big screen hero is in fact a Liberal Democrat, at least when he's back in the muggle world!

On Gordon Brown, Daniel Radcliffe has this to say: 'Paul Merton said, and I agree with him, "It's a tragedy that this man has waited all his life to do this job - and now he finds out he can't do it."

But he's equally scathing about Cameron, who is "barely distinguishable from Tony Blair." Adding that Labour and the Tories "have nothing to offer to young people."

So as well as being a fantastic and versatile young actor, he also has great political judgement!

Congratulations to Daniel for coming out (politically!) I am sure he can help add a bit of extra magic to the campaign.

Annual Dinners

Clearly their is a pecking order for political annual dinners, the more important your constituency is, the bigger the speaker.

I'm told that in recent years Liverpool Lib Dems have had Nick Clegg, Lembit Opik, Paddy Ashdown, to name a few. And I am really looking forward to Vince Cable sharing is economic wisdom with us in a few months.

In contrast, Little-Totherington-Under-Wold Liberal Democrats recently had to make do with a speech from me, on the subjects of beating Labour and the importance of keeping your campaign workers fed and watered.

Labour in Southport have the same problem of course, so it no wonder that, according to my blogging nemesis Lou-Bo Bulldog, they had to make do with West Derby wanabee Stephen Twigg. No doubt sharing his vast expertise on carpet bagging, and what to do if you accidentally get elected after telling your employer that you are just a paper candidate.

Vote Dude

I know many of you have been hoping for a chance to vote for me, well here it is!

Total Politics have opened the voting for your favourite political blogs. Email your ten favourite blogs (ranked from 1-10) to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com

The rules are simple.

1. You must vote for your ten favourite blogs and ranks them from 1 (your favourite) to 10 (your tenth favourite).
2. Your votes must be ranked from 1 to 10. Any votes which do not have rankings will not be counted.
3. You MUST include ten blogs. If you include fewer than ten your vote will not count.
2. Email your vote to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com
3. Only vote once.
4. Only blogs based in the UK, run by UK residents are eligible or based on UK politics are eligible.
5. Anonymous votes left in the comments will not count. You must give a name
6. All votes must be received by midnight on 31 July 2009. Any votes received after that date will not count.

VOTE DUDE THE DOG - you know it makes sense

Swine flu update

News just in that Mrs Blair is suspected to have caught a mild case of swine flu.

I trust she will get well soon, but I wonder if this is a legacy from a decade of having a snout in the trough?

Never knowingly missing a freebie, I will never forget the story of how she was in Liverpool for the unveiling of a train, and was offered a commemorative Merseyrail mug. Her response? "Can I have a set of six?" This from a family on at least £1/4 million a year + expenses. Oh how the other half live!

Badger butcher

Even though Liverpool Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy has been sacked as a Farming Minister she promised to carry on fighting for farming issues "from the backbenches".

She told the Yorkshire Post that she may take up the fight in favour of slaughtering Britain's badger population, saying "I always found it hard to explain why we were culling cattle with such severity but not moving against wildlife."

While I am sure that news will be welcomed by some members of Wavertree's farming community, I'm not quite sure how in touch she is with most of her constituents.

And you have to wonder if rural affairs are taking too much of her time? For instance, I don't recall seeing her campaigning to stop our burns unit moving to Manchester, even though Alder Hey is in her constituency.

Personally, I'm on the side of the badgers, if we are going to allow them to be shot, lets arm them and give them a chance to fight back!

£13,000 for food

What has Jane Kennedy been eating, Caviare and lobster every night? Does she shop in Harrods?

I'm talking about the shocking news that JFK (as her ex is rumoured to call her) has managed to spend £13,000 on food in just four years, and claimed it on her expenses.

Since this is supposed to only be food for her London home, where she lives alone for half the week, we can only assume she spends just as much the rest of the week when she is back in Liverpool with her boyfriend.

Perhaps she could furnish some recipts to show that she doesn't live in opulance when we are paying the bill, but more within her means when she is paying?

News that this information was being circulated around Kensington was enough to send my nemesis Lou-Bo into a rage at the Newsham Park Arts Festival.

Jane really should get down to that nice Mr Moffat's shop, I'm sure he will do her a good deal on sausages or a piece of pork, which should keep her satisfied for days without landing the rest of us with a big bill.

B.S.E (Buy Shedloads on Expenses)

Tabloid Shocker

Thanks to my mate on Fleet Street for sending me an exclusive preview of tomorrow's front page, exposing the Kensington Ward Councillor's latest outburst.

More farmyard antics

Rosie's tuck shop

It's not been a good week for renegade Rosie, who today has been subject to rather cruel and uncalled for comments about her weight in the Daily Mail Size 16 female Labour MP claims crisps, doughnuts and a whole tuck shop full of goodies on her expenses.

I won't take the moral highground because I am rather partial to the occasional doggy-choc myself as well as any other treats that humans are willing to pass my way.

Some of us are just naturally preconditioned to stuff our faces at every opportunity, get over it!