Putting them in their place

Eight jobs Alan

Hot on the heals of Merseytravel's fat-cat controller, we have his deputy: Liverpool Labour Councillor Alan Dean.

Liverpool basic salary: £9,879

Labour chief whip salary: £4,585

Merseytravel basic: £5,688

Merseytravel Deputy chair:£12,896

Committee Chair: £4,666

deputy committee chair: £3,883

panel chair: £5,737

Making a grand total of: £47,334

...and he still finds time to work as a "self employed consultant" training other councillors across the country - presumably in how to milk the system.

cooking the register

Political relatives can be a source of both pride and embarrassment, as these two posh lookalikes can testify. In both cases the dubious claim to fame is that they brought the country to it's knees.

While the lights went out on the economy after Lawson's disastrous handling of the economy, Manny Shinwell saw the lights litterally go out, after the then energy minister failed to ensure proper coal reserves during a bitter winter.

Criminal connections

While claiming Labour is tough on crime, Luciana keeps quiet about her family's underworld connections - Ernest Shinwell was an "associate" of the notorious Kray Twins.

Of course while Nigella sticks to cook books, Luciana likes to feature in electoral registers instead, London...Birmingham... even temporarily in Liverpool.

The Berger Hill Show

Luciana Berger is now turning into a national joke.

An hilarious article in today's Independent reveals how her campaign has descended into chaos.

A Sunday newspaper was described as having to chase her "Benny Hill style" round a supermarket in an attempt to get an interview, after fleeing her constituency office.

She even ran away from the Independent's journalist, and when she finally agreed to answer emailed questions, she could only answer 3 out of 17.

Symbolic campaign

"Senior figures within the local party, speaking on condition of anonymity, have described the running of the campaign as "shambolic". There have been reports of up to 30 workers turning up to canvass but being left to sit around with nothing to do. Others are said to have objected to the quality of the material they have been asked to deliver."

Is Baldock being sacrificed?

" Local councillors asked to argue her case fear they are in danger of being sacrificed to save her."

Well, there is only one local Labour councillor up for election. My blogging nemesis Louise Baldock. Sound like the former regional press officer could well be the "inside source".

One traditional Labour voice described the campaign as an example of the "worst excesses of New Labour". Opponents say that concerns over the quality of the candidate are now being realised. "They are afraid that if she is allowed a bit of freedom she will not only make a faux pas but run the risk of boring everyone to death," the source said.

Luciana, it's time for you to get your coat!

Fat-Cat Controller

The highest paid councillor in the country?

Well certainly a contender. It's Merseytravel's fat controller, Labour Councillor Mark Dowd, who I am told rakes in a cool £60k thanks to a cosy deal with the Tories who keep him in power,

Sefton Council salary: £8850

Merseytravel basic: £5,688

Various "special responsibility

allowances": £37,242.16

expenses: £7856.05

total: £59636.96

and that was for 2008/09, no doubt it's gone up since them. Thanks to the whistle blower who passed me the figures.

Aren't other Labour councillors ashamed of such greed?

Not singing but queuing

Yesterday an amazing sight was witnessed at Liverpool's Municipal Buildings, as countless young people queued up to register to vote before the deadline. It was, I am told, a scene you would expect to see in a new democracy in the third world as people wait in line to claim their democratic rights.

Meanwhile a "Rage Against The Machine" campaign to get the Lib Dems to number 1 has attracted over 120,000 members and increasing by over 10,000 every day.

And as Cleggmania takes over the nation, it is noticeable how quiet Labour's more arrogant and bombastic commentates have become.

From Dale Street Blues to Vote 2007 and ukpollingreport, Labour councillors, bloggers and commentators, who have so often delighted in dismissing the Lib Dems, appear to be feeling far less cocky.

So guys and Louise, this one is for you.

Cat gets man in hot water

In a relentless and hopeless effort by Joe Anderson and his barfly Waddington to smear Wavertree's MP in waiting, dirt has (literally) been dug up on the Lib Dem candidate's cat.

After his cat was suspected to have defecated in a Labour supporter's sandpit, Eldridge was facing Labour calls to apologise and immediately have the cat put down.

The repulsive act is being reported as part of an offensive anti-zionist/homophobic/racist/anti-Christian/fascist/crypt-communist (pick at least one of the above) slur, potentially leading to international condemnation and questions in the European Parliament.

In a damming report in tomorrow's Daily Post, Eldridge is briefly allowed to point out that he doesn't actually own a cat, before Joe Anderson is quoted demanding his resignation anyway.

"The fact the cat had previously been seen sitting on Eldridges's wall proves he is associated with it. Nothing less than his resignation and the cat's immediate destruction will be acceptable," said Labour's Councillor Joe Anderson.

Louise Baldock seized on the news, immediate blogging that this fascist feline outrage was proof that even Eldridge's mother-in-law can't still be planning to vote for him after this.

The report will be repeated in the Daily Mirror the following day, minus Eldridge's statement.

The bash street kids

Another lookalike for you all.

The "Little Boys at the Garmoyle"

The Bash Street Kids

I agree with Nick!

After watching last night's debate I was impressed to see Gordon Brown saying something I can completely support.

Coming soon...

If London Luciana thought she was having a hard time, things are about to get far worse.

My sources tell me that, following a tip off from a disgruntled Labour insider, Camden Berger is about to be hit by a major bombshell that will blow a hole in her campaign.

I've been sworn to secrecy, but watch the national papers for a major revelation.

Until now, its been like being slapped with a small fish. But there is always something in reserve...

...because I'm worth it

Six "girls who can't be expected to know about football" but happy to talk about hair, makeup and anything else girlie girlie, so long as it's not policies.

I can find no better words than the poster on Dale Street Blues, who said:

"Labour might just as well install an electric rotisserie in Emily Davison's grave because, if she can see this, it will be like a spinning top in there!"

If there was ever a poster advert against all women short lists, this is it.

In defense of Dude

I feel I must jump to the defense of my good friend Dude who has been unfairly slandered by soon to be ex councillor Baldock.

Dude has been accused of being a misogynist, as a liberated female dog (I object to the official term) this is not something I would stand for in any friend of mine.

So I spent some time looking back through Dude's posts to see if there was any truth to this accusation.

But first, Cllr Baldock's ridiculous accusation:

April 6, 2010 9:58 AM

Louise Baldock said:

I am not accusing Colin's campaign team of being misogynist, unless he is now acknowledging ownership of the Dude the Dog website. I was stating that the author of Dude the Dog blog is a misogynist. Who have the targets been? Me, Jane and Luciana mainly. Count how many comments are concerned with how we look, how we dress, unflattering photos of us. It is not about our views on housing regeneration or job creation etc, it is about our age, appearance, the state of play of our relationships etc. Dude the dog is a woman-hating blog.
This was my point.
Some of the responses above are red herrings. This is not about whether I am a feminist, or whether it was right for someone to write about the partner of a LibDem councillor getting a job in the LibDem group office without the job being advertised. I am talking about the hatred that Dude the Dog shows to women. That was why I used the word Dude/s in my post above. To distinguish the author(s) from the more decent majority of LibDems (men and women) who would never countenance such bile surely.

I can't find a single derogatory personal comment by Dude about Louise, Jane Kennedy or Luciana, and where unflattering photos have been used, they are actually photos that these three have put on their own websites. If they are that derogatory, why did you use them?

Has Dude taken the micky out of them? Well yes, it's a satirical blog. But if anything the only humans who have been the victims of derogatory comments about how they look have been men, particularly Joe Anderson and Sion Simon.

Have these three been particular targets? Well they have made themselves so.

Louise, if you write a vile blog abusing your opponents and calling them bast*rds, you are painting a large target on yourself.

Jane Kennedy's record as an MP was certainly nothing to be proud of, and Dude did a brilliant job exposing her expenses.

And Luciana Bating has become a popular sport in Liverpool amongst Journalists, politicians and the general public. She has been the greatest gift to any satirical dog.

All three are legitimate targets, and I can find no example of Dude overstepping the mark with them.

I know Dude is a big (small) dog and can look after himself. But he is a canine gentleman who is alway respectful towards females and I know that he finds such accusations hurtful.

I know many in the local Labour ranks are major fans of Dude, including at least one soon to be MP who has confessed to several Lib Dems how much he enjoys this blog.

After such a long fight to establish women in politics and demanding a right to be treated equally, it is demeaning to claim sexism ever time you are given a rough time.

Louise, you have lost the respect I had for you as a woman in politics.

Fading away

Not gone, but already forgotten, Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy is already fading away from what limited public profile she had in her constituency.

Camden Berger

Across Wavertree, stickers are appearing on doors from residents sick of Berger and takeaway flyers, as reported in the Daily Post's Brocklebank column, which described Luciana as a "tasty dish" but pointed out that she doesn't "come complete with French Fries and mayo".

So I was surprised when the following Berger advert landed in my mailbox this morning.

Something to chew over, but personally I would prefer a lamb shankley myself.

Bon appetit.

Fire up the status-quo

As Gene Cameron (not David Hunt - wasn't he MP for Wirral West?) fires up the Quatro to take us back to the 80's, the Labservative Party launched their new local poster, as London Luciana poses with her party's joint leader just hours before her other leader calls the election.

Watch out for it coming to a bill board near you!

Labour campaign poster

As Labour increasingly panic about Camden Berger, Gordon Brown has launched a new poster to help bolster her shambolic campaign.

Yet Brown was left confused when he realised that the posh public schoolgirl was actually the Labour candidate rather than a Tory challenger.

Jolly hockey sticks

All this talk of Gordon Brown reverting back to a class warfare election campaign is making for uncomfortable reading for London Luciana.

After all, while Gordon is telling everyone that Cameron is a toff from Eaton, she'll be worrying that people will start to look closer at her education.

At £11,000 a year, the posh Haberdashers' Aske's school is a bit beyond the reach of families in Old Swan, as is the commute down to London. Not that you would imagine it to be home to traditional Labour voters.

So I wasn't surprised by the result of Haberdashers' mock elections last week, which saw a landslide Conservative victory.

Second and third places went to the Lib Dem's and UKIP, but the school couldn't even be bothered to report if Labour managed to cling on to 4th place against the greens.

Splash back

I was out for my walk yesterday in the rain, and would you believe it a (Labour supporter or dog hater?) bus driver deliberately ran through an enormous puddle, leaving me completely drenched.

It's not funny! why do they do it?

When I got home I was shivering. I had to have my fur towelled dry and half an hour with the hair-dryer.

So I really had sympathy with the people in this video.

Party election broadcast

http://www.labservative.com

What a swine?

More antics from Luciana's obnoxious boyfriend came to light after one of my readers sent me this story where he charmingly compared star Susan Boyle to a pig.

He said: “I’m not saying Susan Boyle caused swine flu. I’m just saying that nobody had swine flu, she sang on TV, people got swine flu.”

Not surprisingly he was forced to apologise, not least because he chose to make the joke just as the death toll started to rise. No apology however was offered to Susan Boyle.

Louise Baldock declined to comment.

Joefeld

As head of a sinister shadowy organisation, this particular villain always somehow manages to inexplicably survive from one thwarted escapade to another.

Yet you have to wonder if eventually one of his evil plots to gain power and money actually succeeded, whether his organisation wouldn't simply bump him of to replace him with a more respectable figure.

If the face fits...

When making outlandish statements against your political opponents, you really need to stop and think twice about how it could turn around and bite you.

A classic example of this was exposed by Tom Morrison on his blog, after an online argument with my blogging nemesis, who was claiming that Labour leaflets are full of real people, "unlike Tom's leaflets".

Without wishing to spoil your enjoyment of Tom's article, he goes on to expose how Luciana's last glossy leaflet full of personal endorsements , was contained a number of "local residents" who are about as local as Camden Berger.

Not for the first time, I bet Luciana wishes you had kept your big mouth shut!

On facebook

I have frequently been criticised for confining myself to one medium, i.e this blog, rather than branching out into the wider webshere to share my wisdom with a wider audience.

So at last I have launched my facebook fan page, which you can join by clicking on the logo.

My facebook page gives me the opportunity to include a feature requested by many regular readers. Photo-albums so you can easily trawl back trough my lookalike archive for your amusement.

I am amazed at how many fans I have already found, so why don't you pop over and join them?

I do draw the line at twittering though.

Have you ever tried typing on a mobile phone keyboard with paws like mine? I doubt it, but believe me it's not possible.

Incedent exposure

Not yet gone, but soon forgotten, I realised it's been a long time since I updated you on the antics of my blogging nemesis.

Regular readers of the Vote 2007 forum were left shocked when Lou-Bo (under the nom-de-plume of oldwarhorse) exposed herself as penance for falsely accusing a forum poster of being a member of the odious BNP.

Someone else added to the exposure of my blogging nemesis recently, seemingly having followed her round taking pictures of her as she went about her business in town.

I really disapprove of such behaviour, and would urge you to stop such activities immediately.
I certainly never want to receive pictures like this,

and this, in my mail box again.

You have been warned. Grrrrr!

Minder(s)

I'm told the first big debate of the election took place on Sunday night, unfortunately I wasn't there as the organisers chose to exclude canines from the proceedings.

Luckily I had my own undercover agents present.

I have previously reported on the number of minders Luciana seems to need as she goes about Liverpool, but this time she set a new record.

On less than seven Labour Councillors monopolised the front row of the hall to protect Luciana and deflect criticism from her, Jim Noakes, Liam Robinson, Beatrice Frankel, Anna Rothery, Steve Rotheram, the new Fazakerley councillor, and Irene Rainy.

After one woman heckled Luciana on the NHS, one of them interceeded and actually said "my wife works for the NHS, do you want to take it outside?" (Meaning of course, to talk about the issue)

Jim Noakes (aka Frank Sidebottom) tried to lead a cat-calling of Colin Eldridge, but Colin said "I see 7 Labour councillors in this room, and all you have done is hen-peck people" - to much applause.

With so many minders, perhaps they could draft in these two cockney geezers to help make her feel safer and more at home? It's certainly an obvious choice for a campaign song.

Mid life crisis man

Nothing I could say about this obnoxious idiot could do him as much justice as his own Youtube video inviting people to sleep with Cameron's wife and take his children, or his arrogant tv interviews afterwards, as you saw here a few weeks ago.

He insists he's not a "proppa blogga" unlike his friend Tom Watson. In fact he is a "Proppa W*nkka" who makes the average Tory seem cuddly.

Really to compare him to our anti-hero from 80's comedy The Young Ones is an insult to a much loved TV character.
Talk about mid-life crisis. At 41 you are too old for a student hair cut, or to be going out with a 28 year old "glamorous" Luciana. What does she see in him? Surely not the "power" of him being a government minister?"

I don't say this lightly, but you have to think that when this former News of the World journalist abandoned his wife and two children, he was doing them a favour.

But as Sion would say, this is not offensive, its satire making an important political point. And if Sion is in any way offended by this, he should get in touch with me.

I want to hold your hand

(That's the title of a song by a popular beat combo from Liverpool, who Luciana may not have heard of)

If there is one thing you would expect an expensive public school education to give you, it's self confidence.

Not so for young Luciana, who is apparently unable to canvass without Jane Kennedy at her side, and had to have the outgoing MP holding her hand for last night's ITV debate (which you can watch here).

Meanwhile, Picton campaigners tell me that she needed City Centre Labour Councillor Steve Mumby to take her to a community meeting in a local school.

He had to personally take her into the actual meeting, before quickly leaving looking rather embarrassed. Rather like a parent taking a shy toddler to a children's party.

"And this is Wavertree's prospective MP?" I hear you exclaim.

Surely most teenagers could represent themselves better than this? How would she cope with speaking in the bear pit of parliament? Not so much a "strong voice" but a squeak from behind the bench.

"Berger crumbles" say students

While the voters of Wavertree eagerly await the broadcast of the first televised head to head debate between local candidates (tonight at 11.35 on ITV) JMU Journalism students have given us an advance review of London Luciana's performance.

Berger crumbles in Wavertree debate

"Wavertree's Labour candidate, Luciana Berger fell to pieces in the first debate of the Election campaign... When given 30 seconds to sell themselves in the debate at Riley's Snooker Hall near Picton Clock, Berger froze, clasping her hands over her head repeatedly saying: “Sorry, can we start again?"

Following the re-take, which saw Colin Eldridge reiterate his pitch on fairness for the electorate, the 27-year-old Labour hopeful spoke in an unconvincing manner about her confidence in the party.

The shaky start then got worse as Eldridge blamed the lack of funding for police and university students on Labour’s ID card scheme, which was met with a weak response by Berger.

Tory Garnett then hit the crumbling candidate with yet more blame: “For too long this Labour government has tied our police down through bureaucracy and bureaucracy.”

He also highlighted early releases from prison to be the cause of a surge in crime. After a lengthy pause, Berger could only reply: "I don't think that's right."

After the filming, Berger left swiftly with the current Labour MP for Wavertree, Jane Kennedy, whilst the other candidates mingled with the TV crew and spoke to JMU Journalism.

Despite numerous requests by JMU Journalism, Berger would not comment on her performance."

Oh dear, sounds like Labour's high flyer has had her wings clipped. And her request to start again is reminiscent of John Prescott's infamous "Sorry I made that cr*p" gaff.

So clearly the people of Wavertree are being offered a Labour candidate who is neither local nor competent. So what's left?

Admittedly Luciana is prettier than Eldridge, and has a red rosette. Do they really think that is enough?

It's chaos back there"

These where the words of one Labour councillor when told by a kind Lib Dem that the same Burger leaflet was being delivered to a patch for the third time.

Perhaps it is no wonder that so many signs are appearing in windows to say that residents don't want to receive berger and takeaway flyers. They are just sick of receiving the same bland message.

What happened? Did you over-order and decide to keep on delivering until you ran out of leaflets?

Further evidence of Luciana's campaign being in chaos came as Tom Morrision's blog reported that Luciana's carefully targeted mailing was being sent to Lib Dem candidates and even the Lib Dem agent himself.

These are the sort of errors that a normal candidate would have fixed a year out from the election. Poor, very poor.

"Gota new mota?"

As Dale Street Blues reported, poor hapless Luciana is in trouble again.

This time "Two Cars Burger" has been caught hiding her own car (with it's £5000 personalised number plate) at her parents house in London, while she drives her brother's more modest car around on the campaign trail in Liverpool, with Labour insiders admitting this is part of a ploy to prevent her looking "too posh for Liverpool".Surely this is in itself an insult and is nothing but a snob's view on Liverpool. Was Jane Kennedy ever attacked (even on this blog) for driving round Liverpool in an expensive Jaguar?

It reminds me of the Labour MP who used to drive up to the outskirts of his poor mining constituency in his Rolls Royce, and swap to a mini for the last couple of miles.

More interesting is her claim to need two cars because she had to have separate cars in Liverpool and London.

Is that because you are really still living in London and only coming "oop north" to campaign? If so, then fine. But didn't you claim in your first press release to have moved to Liverpool "last year?" That wouldn't have been a lie would it?

Fellow voyager

A Mr Jimmy Kirk of Roddenberry Avenue wrote in to tell me that he had been away for the past 5 years, and was delighted to stumble across this enterprising blog on his recent flying visit.

He also predicted that Uncle Joe would be disappointed in May, as the Lib Dems cling-on to power, before offering up this potential lookalike of one of his fellow travelers.

Getting a rough time?

I'm told that Lib Dem campaigners are getting daily stories from residents stopping them to proudly recount the abuse they have given to London Luciana.

This appear to be so bad that, as show in this image from Granada Reports, she needs three minders to protect her from abuse and help avoid any further gaffes.

REAL vile blogging

Labour visitors to this blog often like to take the moral high ground, condemning my canine brand of humour, particularly relating to some of my sarcastic comments about Luciana.

So I invite you to watch Luciana's obnoxious toad of a boyfriend in action, condemning anyone who fails to see the "humour" of him inviting people to have sex with Cameron's wife and take his children away.

It won't surprise readers all that much to learn that he is a former journalist for The Sun's sister paper, The News Of The World. Says it all really!

See the face of vile Labour blogging and dare compare anything I have said to workings of this idiot.



Of course it won't stop them, because they are hypocrites.

Giza Holiday

Uncle Joe Anderson has announced that his first act as Leader of the Council (snigger) would be to go on an all expenses paid jolly to Egypt.

What possible excuse could he find for such a jolly?

Well the campaign to bring HMS Whimbrel back to Liverpool stalled after the Egyptian government raised their asking price to £1 million.

"The £1m price is ridiculous and if I’m elected council leader, I shall go to Egypt to tell them this is not a commercial venture.” Liverpool Echo yesterday.

So apparently the trip is necessary as the only way to give the Egyptian defense minister that little nugget of information.

I have never been, but I am told they do in fact have telephones, email and can receive ordinary post in that country. Perhaps someone should tell Uncle Joe?

This is hot on the heels of Joe's bid to twin Liverpool with a city in South Africa in time for the world cup. No doubt this would involve even more arduous travel for our would be "Junket Joe", and on top of the £50,000 a year he could be planning to pay himself.

No wonder he is turning down the chance to be an MP. Not enough perks and travel opportunities!

You rang?

We've already had Uncle (Joe) Fester and Morticiana Adams, so many thanks to the reader who send me this picture of the family's loyal servant Lurch.