Labour in meltdown

Must admit that I yapped with delight on seeing the resignation of Hazel Blears - Idol of my blogging nemesis, The Bulldog. Perhaps she is feeling a little let down by her heroine (apparently she hasn't even bothered to put a Labour poster in her window) but here is a reminder The Bulldog's view on "what makes Hazel so special."

Meanwhile the rest of Labour is imploding, lets wait and see as the results trickle in over the next 4 days. Just so long as the BNP don't get in, paws crossed anyway.

I have already trotted down to the polling station to do my bit. Have you?

"BNP tactics"

More trouble on the other side of the moat, with Wirral Labour under fire from their own members for employing "BNP style tactics" against a Labour councillor who quit the party last month.

I would like to say I am astonished, but after they tried to jump into bed with the BNP in Burnley nothing would surprise me.

Labour in 3rd place

Latest poll shows Labour in 3rd place on 22%, with the Lib Dems on 25%! The writing is clearly on the wall for them, no wonder my blogging nemesis no longer wants a General Election on the same day as the local elections.

Can older readers tell me when was the last time a party in government was in 3rd place in opinion polls?

And some pundits are even predicting Labour could come 4th in next week's European Elections.

Labour's sinking ship

It's been a bad week for Labour, and not just nationally.

In the space of a few days, two Labour councillors on Merseyside have had enough and torn up their membership cards.

Bootle's Paul Larkin quit the Labour party saying they have become deaf to the concerns of ordinary people. It is a double blow to Labour as Paul was agent to Crosby MP Claire Curtis-Thomas - who is not only expected to loose, but could even end up in third place at the next election! Councillor Larkin has now joined the Liberal Democrats, and I raise my paw in salute to him.

Meanwhile on the Wirral, Denis Knowles quit the party saying that he was ashamed of Labour.

In a letter to his constituents he spoke of his "everlasting shame" for voting with the Labour party, but now he has resigned, "I personally feel as though I have had a burden removed from my shoulders and can hold my head high."

Oh, and Wirral South's Ben Chapman, as featured on these pages last week, has been the latest to announce he will be standing down as a result of the expenses scandal.

Yes Labour's ship is definitely sinking.

Another lookalike

OK I hear you say, you have liked the Lib Dem lookalikes seen so far but how about some more famous names?

Well how about this one of the new Lord Mayor of Liverpool, sent in by another loyal reader. Although I doubt Alfa will speak to me again for publishing it. Still a blogging dog can't compromise his journalistic integrity for friendship can he?

Hale & Kelly

I know some of you love them and some of you hate them, but here is another lookalike, from a reader who noticed a resemblance between Woolton Councillor Malcolm Kelly and one half of the Hale & Pace double act.

Labour laugh at suicide victim

Heartless Labour councillors laughed hysterically when told that their election leaflets had driven someone to throw themselves in front of a train.

During a debate at last night's council meeting, councillors heard how a former city councillor who, having suffered a mental breakdown, committed a serious crime. The courts however did not sentence him as they recognised the crime was a result of his breakdown. That of course didn't stop Labour plastering the city with leaflets to humiliate him, even though he was no longer a councillor.

Apparently unable to live with the shame, he threw himself in front of a train at Otterspool - (At this point many Labour councillors burst out laughing!)

To be fair, some Labour councillors looked horrified at the heartless reaction from their colleagues.

Perhaps they need reminding how the Lib Dems refused to play on Clubmoor Labour Councillor Ben Williams charged and currently being retried for child porn offences.

Shameful BNP deal

It's become a familiar scene on Merseyside to see Labour and Tories unite to keep the Lib Dems out of power, but it seems that in some places they will go even further.

Last week Labour and the Tories tried to join up with the BNP in Burnley to force the Lib Dems out of power. The move failed because one decent Labour councillor refused to join them in bed with the BNP.

The make-up of Burnley Council is: Lib Dem: 22 (+1 vacancy) Labour: 11 Tory: 6 BNP: 4 So Labour and Tories would only have been able to form an administration with the support of the BNP!

I want it on the record that I don't think all Labour members are "bastards", and I'm sure that thousands of decent Labour members will feel thoroughly ashamed that this was done in their party's name.

My expenses revealed

Like everyone else I am outraged at the lavish and in some cases corrupt expense claims by our MPs.

So in the interest of transparency I have published my monthly expense claim below to show that I have nothing to hide.

To be honest I don't agree that I should be allowed to claim for some of these, but I am only claiming what I am entitled to (and everyone else is doing it).

Everyone that knows me will understand that I did not go into political blogging for the money, I am only claiming for necessary expenses to enable me to properly represent the K9 political community.

I have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. And no, I won't be paying any of it back (apart from the £21 claim for human food - which was a mistake).

I realise that some of you may think this extravagant, but all these are legitimate costs of running a second kennel in the city centre so that I can be at the heart of the political scene.

And to prove I am not living in luxury at your expense, I have included a picture of my second kennel which is, to be honest, a bit of a slum when compared with dogs in the private sector.


Can I also add my bark in support of those calling for an immediate General Election (although this is strictly a personal opinion as I haven't consulted anyone yet!)

Your faithful cannine representative
Dude
XXX
The blogging dog you can trust!

Eagle's flipping disgrace

The first Liverpool MP to be named and shamed in the Telegraph is Garston's Maria Eagle who, the Telegraph claims took flight with £1000's of our cash by "flipping" homes.

In 2005 the Eagle got a £7140 bathroom makeover, getting her bathroom fully tiled and fitted with a luxury thermo-shower - but the fees office only allowed her to claim £3,500. Meanwhile she also was claiming £240 a month towards her mortgage for her luxury apartment in Mossley Hill.

Just 4 months latter she "flipped" her second home to her London home, and started claiming £739 a month for that mortgage.

Even worse, she backed a Tory bill to keep MPs' expense claims secret.

In her defence the Eagle squawked that her bathroom was 35 years old and needed renewing - at £7,000! What planet is she on?

Lets see what her constituents have to say.

..........................UPDATE..............................

Now the story is in today's Echo.

Meanwhile Wirral South's Ben Chapman is insisting he won't repay the £15,000 he claimed from the taxpayer for mortgage interest he no longer paid. He insists he did nothing wrong and was merely claiming compensation for his for no longer having a mortgage! Arguing with the fees office he said, "by paying off capital I am forgoing interest and investment opportunities elsewhere."

Obviously he is forgetting he now has a valuable asset in London, part paid for and furnished at our expense - yet we should compensate him for the inconvenience of finding himself in this position.

Sergeant Bilko

Thanks to Mr Doberman for sending this one in.

You may remember a very poor attempt at a big screen remake of that 50's classic, Sergeant Bilko, with Steve Martin taking over the title role.

Perhaps they would have had more success with the Kirkdale Councillor and Phil Silvers lookalike - who by happy coincidence used to work in the Halewood motor-pool?

Trigger happy

Readers have said it is time for a few Lib Dem lookalikes.

You may not what your GP to be Trigger Happy, but the resemblance between the affable Doctor Chowings and the nation's favourite annoying mobile phone user is quite striking.

A brown bush?

Well this explains everything!


I'm surprised Private Eye haven't picked up on this one, right down to that winning smile.

Carry on again

Some of you have disputed the last lookalike of Cllr Brant, insisting that the would be (or won't be!) Honourable Member for Southport, is actually Carry On star and Smiths album pin up, Charles Hawtrey.

By popular demand

This is for all of you who have been demanding more pictures from our lookalike archives.

Those who question why Labour so often seem to get favourable coverage in the Daily Post might have now found the answer.

Have you ever seen these two in the same room?

Where is Jane Kennedy?

The Daily Post has today done a full page feature on how hard (or otherwise) Merseyside MPs work.

The article features lists and photos of all local MPs - except one!

Farming and Horse Minister - Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy is no-where to be seen.

Does she do nothing at all? Or is she so invisible in Liverpool that even the Daily Post managed to forget that she exits?

We're not sorry..We haven't a clue!

No disrespect to Speke or Garston, but I'm sure that, after an hour or two trotting around the area, any one of us could find ways to improve the area for local residents. And if you had £140,000 in your pocket, just imagine what a difference you could make?

Sadly, the same cannot be said for the three Labour Councillors for Speke and Garston who, having been awarded £140,000 from the council to spend on improving the lives of their constituents, appear to either not care or are clueless as to what their community needs.

Frustrated officials tried pestering them for ideas of how to spend the money, but got no answer.

They tried to arrange meetings with the councillors - they didn't turn up.

Council officers then tried coming up with ideas of their own, the Labour councillors rejected them.

I know that my blogging nemesis The Bulldog and I rarely see eye to eye, but I am sure she is thoughtfully ashamed to be associated with these supposed "Community Champions".

Perks & expenses

J(F)K lets slip on the lavish lifestyle of Labour Ministers

Thanks to Ethical Bill for that one!

Bye Bye Zak

Regular readers may recall me mentioning my pen friend Zac who has been living for the past 7½ years at the Dogs Trust centre on Merseyside.

I have always enjoyed reading his letters and I think he has enjoyed hearing about my political adventures, after all, all nice dogs are Liberal Democrats at heart.

But I have had his latest letter, which you can read here, telling me that he has finally found a family who can look after him.

I am so pleased for him, but I will miss our regular letters. Perhaps now he has a home he will be able to keep in touch through this blog.

Zac is so lovely, handsome, smart, intelligent, charming and gentle, in fact I want to be Zac, but will settle for being pleased to have become his friend.

I look forward to finding out who will be my new pen friend, and of course I will let you know all about him or her.

If you can find it in your heart to sponsor one of Zac's friends, you can find out more here.

"Gratuitously offensive"

My blogging nemesis The Bulldog has been labelled by Labour's own standards board as "Gratuitously Offensive" after a two year investigation into her behaviour.

She was condemned for her abusive behaviour after publicly declaring “all Lib Dems are ‘bastards" and (on another occasion) ranted that both the Liberal and Liberal Democrats group were “deceitful, conniving, opportunistic bastards”.

The Standards Board said, “The freedom of speech arguments that have been raised in the past by members simply do not attach themselves to statements of this nature.” But claim that they can take no action because the comments where not specifically aimed at individuals!

Is this not the same Labour councillor who took the moral high ground on councillors lack of respect to each other? Is she not also Labour's spokesperson for Ethical Behaviour? If she refuses to resign from that position now then surely she should be sacked?

The normally verbacious Louise declined to comment to either the Daily Post or Liverpool Echo!

I think she deserves to have her nose rubbed in it.


UPDATE

Louise has done the decent thing and resigned! As you will notice from the comments, some credit me with that result, while others quite vociferously disagree with that assessment.

Thanks to one Labour member who alerted me to the Echo editorial which I missed on Friday, which described Louise as toilet-mouthed, childish, crude, and demeaning to all who vote or follow politics. Ouch!

Making a splash

A funny story passed on to me from one of my regular correspondents.

Last Wednesday saw the official opening of a school swimming pool, Gatecrashed by Timbo the Terrier who claimed to be the official representative of Jane Kennedy. (Never mind that she isn't currently the MP for that area, and never will be).

My bulldog nemesis was on hand to take Timbo's poolside publicity photos, but in the end it was the Bulldog who made a splash.

Taking a step back into the the showers to get a better shot, her arm caught the tap and turned it on. It is not known if she shook herself dry next to innocent bystanders - I know I would have done!

She's not the first Labour politician to get into hot water over a pool.

Nick (fortnightly bins) Small attacked Liverpool's new Olympic pool as being poor value for money, begging the question, will a Labour Council close it down?

Then again, this is from the same Labour Councillor who lobbied on behalf of Tesco to let them build on sports pitches! Anyone would think he has something against exercise.

Police Pledge

I'm told that Horse Minister Jane Kennedy has been spotted around the Wavertree, area delivering a leaflet no less.

Unfortunately the Labour leaflet entitles "Police Pledge", which features a big picture of her with a policeman, forgets to explain exactly what this pledge is.

Perhaps this refers to the well known brand of furniture polish, which Labour are planning to issue to the local constabulary, to enable them to polish their truncheons!

Nay, stop tittering Missus! There is a filthy minded lot reading this blog.

While having bobbies on parade with truncheons gleaming might make Jane happy, I'm sure the rest of us would prefer them to have proper equipment. So why do the police have to ask Lib Dem councillors for spare change to provide them with bicycles?

There is a pledge worth making. I hear nostalgic stories from more senior dogs than me of the pleasure of chasing a policeman (or postman) on a bicycle. Seems like great fun and would be an excellent institution to bring back.

Night in the Newz Bar

Thanks for this press cutting sent in from Mr Bailout.

Keep them lookalikes coming!

Another comedian

Liam the Lurcher may be the Bulldog's favourite lapdog, but Fylde's finest might be stepping onto the stage while he's fighting to be a Blackpool MP with his young Harry Enfield stand up routine.

Watch Liam's party political broadcast here.

And they keep on coming

And another lookalike, this one from Mr Bailout again.

F.A.O Mr D Dog Esq,

Sir,
I have been following your "Lookalaike" articles with some interest since you published them on your

satirical website. My chauffeur informs me that Liverpool was once home to a popular musical group by the name of The Beatles. Apparently, one of their songs was named "I Am The Eggman". This prompted

me to look through our archives once again. Eventually, I came across a picture which drew a startling

resemblance to the Leader of the Liverpool Labour Group. Therefore, I offer it to you for your consideration.

My very best wishes,

R.B.S. Bailout Esq.

Lloyds Court

Whitehall 117M

CCK1 UP

Sidebottom returns

You know it is, it really is! Singer Frank Sidebottom has come out of retirement to play the fictional character of Jim Noakes, a Labour councillor in Clubmoor.

Will he be persuaded to redo one of his hit numbers for the much vaunted Councillor Idol talent contest?

Another lookalike

A big thanks to Mr Bailout for another lookalike.

Dear Mr D Dog Esq,
The recent Audit Commission report on behaviour of councillors noted the somewhat ungracious way they

occasionally treat each other in ways unbefitting of gentleman. In my view, there is never any excuse to resort

to name-calling and other bad manners. Speaking of which, this reminds me of the lead singer of a similarly-

named popular music group by the name of Buster Bloodvessel. My chauffeur tells me that this name was taken from

the bus conductor in the film " Magical Mystery Tour" [whatever that is]. However, I digress. My main point is

that there seems to be a striking resemblance between said Mr Bloodvessel and the current leader of the Liverpool Labour Group. I attach a photograph for your consideration.

Yours,

R.B.S. Bailout Esq,

Lloyds Court,

Whitehall 117M

CCK UP 1

email: pensiongoldmine@laughingallthewaytothebank.com

Standing against intolerance

Labour Councillors and would be councillors where left stunned after Municipal Pitbull Joe Anderson announced that any Labour member who voted against him would be thrown out of his group.

The irony that he did this during a council debate condemning fascism appeared to be lost on Joe.

A fellow Labour frontbench Councillor went on to demonstrate his libertarian credentials, by calling on a Lib Dem to be "taken away and locked up" for pointed out that the rise of the BNP was partly due to Labour abandoning the working classes.

He then offered to exterminate members of the British Nazi Party by mowing them down in a bus, if one could be provided and BNP members could be arranged to stand in line.

Bravo! Lets all stand together against intolerance!

A Rose by any other name

A corrie viewer from Croxteth sent this in, astonished at the resemblance of the well know Street character and the fragrant member for her ward.

Moonlighting for Beryl Cook

My new Lookalikes feature seems to have really been a big hit with all my loyal readers, I now have had a dozen uncanny likenesses sent in for me to post over the the next few weeks.

The next one has been sent in by Nick.

By night we might know her as Patsy Cline, and by day as Sharon Sullivan, but it seems the singing councillor has also been moonlighting as a model for the artist Beryl Cook.


Keep them coming, and you keep on coming back for more exiting lookalikes.
Lots of doggie love,
Dude

Greens make homeless sleep in the snow

I was shocked to discover that Liverpool Green Councillors had refused to allow homeless people shelter on freezing winter nights.

The Lib Dem Council, rightly, has a policy to make safe, warm accommodation available when winter temperature drops below freezing. But apparently the city's green councllors refused to allow a community building in their ward to be used. Meaning that some homeless people were forced to sleep rough in temperatures well below freezing.

I hope they are thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Trotting round Kensington

Spent an enjoyable Saturday morning trotting around Kensington and leafy Fairfield, but I was shocked at how much rubbish was dumped everywhere. The area is a disgrace, and no where near as clean as when it was represented by Liberal Democrats.

Message to the Bulldog - I know you read this - GET IT SORTED! You should be ashamed of yourself. Try devoting less time to your inane prattling in the blogsphere and more time getting things sorted for your constituents!

Another lookalike

Just had the following letter, in response to the previous lookalike picture.

I have been advised that a satirical website has been created under the name of "Dude the Dog" which presently carries

a "Lookalike" photograph of the leader of the Liverpool Labour Group. My chauffeur found it quite hilarious when he saw it, but I believe that you might have used the wrong picture. Please find attached an alternative version from our archive which shows that these particular individuals must have, indeed, been separated at birth.

Best regards,

R.S.B. Bailout Esq.

Lloyds Court,

Whitehall 117M

CCK UP 1

Keep em coming!

Lookalikes

Thanks to Gideon for this one.

Any more lookalikes, send them in

"Maggie's a softy" says Field

As if Gordon Brown having Thatcher round for tea wasn't bad enough, we have an amazing story in the Oldham Echo from Wirral MP Frank Field, about how he and other Labour MPs used to go for cozy late night-caps with Liverpool's most hated women.

Apparently, we are led to believe, that Margaret Thatcher was a softy, and served a very fine malt. But this was all kept secret by Labour MP's, realising how unimpressed their constituents would be.

Steel yourself for a shock at the next quote:

"I once witnessed a slightly sozzled Margaret Thatcher plant a smacking kiss on the lips of then-Walton MP Eric Heffer and describe him as "my favourite Socialist"."

Aggggggggggh! Sorry, I've just been sick behind the sofa!

He goes on to say, "She enjoyed a bit of rough..."

I couldn't bare to read any more. Read it yourself here if you have a strong stomach and low blood pressure.

Rest assured, I will never sell out my loyal readers and have the Bulldog round for tea and dog biscuits, and definitely not for love and licks!