Scaremongering time again

Another year, another set of made up Labour scare stories designed to frighten the vulnerable and be reproduced on a leaflet.

Year after year Labour councillors pretend to be planning to write a budget, just to get their greasy paws on budget options from officers.

Officer proposals that is, not Lib Dem proposals, and in most cases these are options Lib Dem Councillors have already rejected.

They are given to Labour anyway in case Labour wish to include them in the Labour budget - not that they have written a proper budget this century.

So isn't it astonishing how year after year these confidential documents slip out of the paws of Labour councillors and under a journalist's pint glass.

And yes, of course they somehow get presented as being Lib Dem budget options.

It's amazing what tales you can get published these days.

Fortunatly no one outside of Old Hall Street belives a word Labour have to say anymore.

The Post & Echo were once such respected organs, yet it's heart was ripped out when Trinity turned it into the "Oldham Echo", and clearly it's liver is in a perilous state too!

Time for a new year detox perhaps?

Banned!!!!

Would you believe it?

Your humble blogging canine has been banned from all Liverpool City Council premises, at the demand of Labour Councillors who are aparently so fearful of a little dog's daily musings, that they have decided I must be silenced at all cost.

In the words of one of my regular correspondants, "they clearly don't like it up 'em!"

So much so that I was threatened with assasination, on Christmas day no less.

Ever since I have been sniffing my sausages very carefuly before consuming them.

Fortunatly I can rely on the security of my official supplier at Mr Churchill's food emporium, but you never know who might come into contact with them after they leave the shop.

Is there an investigative journalist who can take up my cause against these evil Labour dog haters?

Or perhaps someone would care to make a freedom of information request to expose the identity of the Labour Councillor who fears me so much that library users and council employees must be banned from hearing the jucy stories I sniff out on your behalf.

Like Jane Kennedy, I now feel I should be able to claim life insurance on my expenses. And how about an official food taster?

In the best possible taste

In this season of cheer I thought it appropriate to dispense with hard politics and instead bring together two of the themes of Christmas, religion and light entertainment!

I did have some left over sausage and bacon rolls to offer you as well, unfortunately I ate them a few hours ago in a late night attack of the munchies!

Today's characters on offer do have political connections though. One a born and bred Scouser who appeared at the Tory Party Conference announcing a plan to bomb Russia

The other now adopted to the city, but sent in by Blair to be Labour's Bishop in Liverpool. Fortunately he seems to have become disillusioned with new Labour, like the rest of the population.

Scumbags

I'm sorry to have to say that some humans are just scum!

I have received reports today that the dogs trust in Whiston has been raided by thieves who have stolen all the food stores for 100 of my homeless and hungry compatriots.

An urgent appeal has gone out for tinned food donations, and I myself have just donated a large part of my food stockpile.

If any of you can help, please do so!

Waggy Christmas

Its Christmaaaaaaaas!

I'm so happy today. I was up bright and early to check out my stocking, and boy was it well stocked.

Doggy chocs, a new blanket and the lovely little coat I am pictured wearing in the picture above.

And the best is yet to come, Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, er well, to be honest there is only one trimming I am really interested in.

Yes you guessed it, lots and lots of lovely chipolata sausages wrapped in bacon. Yum Yum!

And so, it is time for my Christmas message to you all.

It's been a long hard year, and many of my readers have been hit hard by our Government's recession and credit crunch.

Our thoughts are with those who find themselves out of work or even homeless in these difficult times. And also with our armed forces who find themselves spending Christmas day overseas.

Our thoughts are also with the many of my fellow canines who find themselves unloved and in kennels and re-homing centres across the country, and our grateful thanks offered to those kind humans who give up their Christmas to look after them.

It has been my great duty and privilege as your blogging dog to record the many events that have affected the lives of our local representatives. All of whom I know make great sacrifices to stand up for the interests of their constituents.

Christmas is not a time for party politics. So today I wish you all, whether you are friend or foe, a very merry Christmas.

Gawd bless you, every one!

Mean spirtied II

Yesterday I commented on Jane Kennedy's Christmas message, but now I take it all back after I have seen my blogging Nemesis's offering to the people of Kensington.

A lovely un-seasonal postcard, with a big picture of Kensington's three clowns grinning.

Now that's what you really want staring down at you on Christmas day, as you digest your Brussels Sprouts.

At the same time Lou-Bo is delivering a rather poor 8 page "report" on her activities. Unfortunately she chose to include the original version of this picture, just to remind everyone of Jane's First Class Gravy Train lifestyle.


Merry Christmas everybody!

Mean spirtied

As many of you will have seen, those nice Lib Dems have been out and about delivering thousands of Christmas cards to the good humans of Liverpool.

And what a lively card it is, penguins and lambananas playing together in the snow.

Local councillors have scrimped and saved to pay for it to be printed, before trundling off into the cold to deliver them.

Finally I have been able to see a copy of Jane Kennedy's Christmas Card, OK nice picture drawn by a local school child, and a big advert inside to say that it was paid for by mail order shopping company, Shop Direct!

How tight fisted and mean spirited can you get? Is there anything this woman pays for herself?

Is this because she blew all of her "communications expenses" on leaflets before she decided she couldn't win?

And what message does this send out? Your local Labour MP want's you to buy your Christmas gifts by mail order instead of supporting local shops.

Bah Humbug!

Popular local boy cheated

Liverpool's popular and well known 2008 Lord Mayor has been cheated out of his dream of becoming an MP in his home town.

Proud working class Scouser, Steve Rotherham's bid was snubbed by Labour's decision to impose an all Luciana shortlist on Liverpool Wavertree.

Putting on a brave face, Cllr Rotheram said: “I’m disappointed...we need more women...But we also need more Scousers and working-class people.”

Click Liverpool reported Labour insiders as saying that, "beautiful, career politician" Luciana Berger was starting to look like a shew-in.

A Lib Dem campaign insider tells me that this shortlist was their dream result.

"Steve was always going to be the toughest challenger. He's the only popular well know name Labour have, and a genuinely nice bloke. Whoever they pick now could have as little as 7 weeks to get their name known before polling day."

Rumour has it, Steve has instead now set his sights on challenging Joe Anderson for the leadership after the local election in May.

Anne Baldock

Another reader send in this lookalike of American actress Anne Ramsey, best remembered for the title role in the comedy film, Throw momma from the train.

Really stretching it

14 Kilos of elastic bands.

That's a hell of a lot of elastic bands! Over 30lbs in old money.

32 boxes at 454 grammes each equals more bands than any office could considerably use day to day. Unless of course they where being used to bundle up Labour party leaflets and letters, rather than legitimate constituency work.

£90.24 and yes, you guessed it! They were all charged to you and me on Gravy-Train Jane's expenses, as you can see here.

To claim they are all being used in her office is seriously stretching it - no pun intended.

Wavertree selection advertised

Here it is, before it is even hot on the press.

Many thanks to my Labour source who sent me the Liverpool Wavertree selection advert for Labour, which has been drafted in advance of today's meeting.

Unfair banking charges!

You would think that someone would be able to manage their finances on £104,000 a year, particularly when also receiving a lavish expense account on top of that.

Not so for Jane Kennedy, ex Financial Secretary to the Treasury, whose own financial management was so poor that she apparently exceeded her overdraft limit.

Shamelessly, she then tried to claim her interest and banking charges on her expenses - Not just once, but in August, September, November and December last year.

And when they were refused, she sent back terse notes on the claim form, telling the fees office that they should pay up because it was their fault she was overdrawn, as they had been late paying her previous month's expenses.

Is there any limit to the greed and brazen arrogance of Labour MPs?

And is it any wonder the nation's finances are such a mess, when they were being managed by someone who couldn't keep her own finances in the black while earning four times the average wage of her constituents?

But Scousers are nothing if not generous, I'm sure if she had let us all know that things were that tight for her, we would have had a whip round.

YOUR money for HER life

So people say that MPs have become the modern day highway men, but their latest trick to emerge is to take your money for their life insurance.

High on the list seems to be Wavertree's Jane Kennedy, who already announced she was standing down because of the fall out from the expenses scandal.

In June the Fees Office sent her this letter telling her that they could no longer pay for her life insurance cover with Barclays, at £7.50 a month.

But can someone tell me why the taxpayer was ever footing the bill for this? It was hardly a second home expense. Did she give this to herself as part of her employment incentive package?

Perhaps she regarded it as danger money, after she found herself without the 24 hour protection from Special Branch when she ceased to be a Northern Island Minister?

Stand and deliver!

Billy Clein

It's often been said that the Clein party is the third largest group on the council, and we may have just found another of them.

Perhaps it is just the beard? But there is certainly more than just a passing resemblance between these two?

Behind the times

As you know I regularly trawl the web looking for juicy titbits to offer you, my lovely readers, with news, gossip and entertainment that you may have missed.

Not surprisingly, I don't check the irrelevant Liverpool Censervative website very frequently, and clearly nether do they.

Any Conservative voter wanting to know how their campaign in Liverpool is going, can check their site here, and you will be pleased to know that "The City of Liverpool Conservatives' campaign for the May 2008 Local Elections is now in full swing with a programme of canvassing and leafleting well underway."

So how does that work then?

Ding Dong! "Good evening madam, I was your conservative candidate in last year's local elections. I was wondering if I could have been able to count on your support? Oh, OK you're still thinking about it. Well don't forget, the polling station closed at 10pm, 588 days ago."

Give them another five years and they will be looking forward to increasing their share of the vote in the 2010 General Election.

We've all been BANNED

Davey B was chasing his tail with joy last week at news that his blog has apparently been banned by Liverpool Direct (although my Council sources tell me it hasn't been blocked from any computers in the Municipal Buildings or local libraries).

Meanwhile, I conducted one of my regular checks on local MP's websites, only to find that Garston's Maria Eagle appears to have banned the entire city from accessing her site.

I assumed it was a temporary problem, but having tried every day for over a week all I can get are imposing FORBIDDEN messages and news that I "don't have permission to access this site."

You would think that this close to a General Election an MP wouldn't be so shy about promoting herself.

Unless of course she is about to announce she is standing down to spend more time in her lavish new £7,140 bathroom, part funded by the taxpayer before she flipped her second home allowance back to her London flat?

Talk about "splashing out" at our expense.

So far she has been allowed to get away with it, remaining, ironically a Justice Minister!!!

Party Season

It's that time of year again, with everyone having to worry about Christmas cards, presents, the office party, it's just a ceaseless round.

I enjoy a good office Christmas party, think of all those cocktail sausages and sausage rolls.

However those nice Liberal Democrats have taken the time to help organise a Christmas party for pensioners, and Wavertree's next member of parliament is dropping in to lend a hand as he does the usual MP's round of community fun days, village fetes and sheltered housing visits.

Yet one cheeky group of pensioners in Kensington recently invited Colin along to their party, but asked he could attend as their male stripper!

He agreed to attend, but (un)fortunately a sense of decorum prevented him agreeing to provide them with their raunchy entertainment. So Colin won't be doing the dance of the seven towels any time soon.

Another Labour selection row

Labour is facing another neopotism row over attempts to impose another young female candidate with family connections to Gordon Brown on a constituency party.

Helen Holt has pulled out out of the contest for the Sherwood constituency in Nottinghamshire , claiming that the selection process has been skewed in favour of the fiancée of a close aide Brown.

Telling The Times that she believes she has been the victim of dirty tricks by supporters of Emilie Oldknow, girlfriend to Brown’s political secretary.

“I feel I have been totally stitched up. My face does not fit. I believe I am being used in a process that from the outside looks fair but is a way of parachuting a candidate into the position because she has family links to Gordon Brown,” she said.

A similar case happened earlier this year when the leadership attempt to place the 22-year-old daughter of Blair's favorate advisor Philip Gould in the safe seat of Erith and Thamesmead.

Of course, it couldn't happen here.

The very idea that a Labour selection process in Liverpool could be rigged to favour a young woman because she has links with a Labour leader is, well, completely unthinkable.

Roy Rosie Brown

Another one sent in by a reader in West Derby. Personally I think this one is a bit too cruel. But I'm sure Mr Brown is used to being insulted.

Feline lookalike

I know it's not Monday, but I couldn't wait that long to show you feline Hitler lookalike that one of my regular contributors saw while delivering.

Most stupid statement ever

No it isn't! No it isn't! No it isn't! No it isn't! No it isn't! Got the message yet you stupid mutt?

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Under cover campaigner

Ornithologists have been reporting that global warming has affected bird migration and we are seeing our feathered friends venturing much further north than ever before.

One ambitious little bird, deeply rooted in the south, was spotted hundreds of miles from home in Wavertree last weekend.

The frequently spotted Berger was seen dashing about the constituency in a rushed attempt to raise her profile before she lands in front of a selection panel in January.

All of this is very hush hush of course. There has been no mention of this in her blog or any of the leaflets going out with her name on in London.

It wouldn't do to alert the voters of her safe ward in Camden that she wants to abandon them, before they have even had a chance to vote for her. People might actually question her loyalty and commitment.

They might feel hurt, they might feel betrayed, they might not care. But it seems that the highly ambitious Luciana is quite prepared to land an enormous bird dropping on her colleagues in St Pancras & Somers Town Ward, and the residents she claims to be committed to fighting for.

Perhaps therein lies a warning for her new colleagues in Liverpool and her prospective electorate oop north.

The clock is ticking

Eyebrows have been raised at the news that Labour won't even decide the process for selecting a candidate for Wavertree or Sefton Central until the 17th December, meaning that Labour still won't have a candidate until well in to the New Year - possibly as late as February.

OK so Gordon has until June to hold an election, but with increasing rumours of an election being called in March they could be said to be cutting it a bit fine.

Of course, conspiracy theorists within Labour are starting to suspect another motive. The closer the selection process is left before the election, the easier it is to impose a candidate from London on the local party.

That's democracy - Labour style.

A tale of two tashes

At the risk of ending up with guacamole on my face, I found a strong similarity between these two moustached individuals, when digging through my archives the other day.

Yes this is the fourth of my promised Lord Mayor lookalikes and the de-facto Prime Minister (the only title he hasn't actually got)who according to legend mistook mushy peas in a Hartlepool chip shop for an avocado-based dip.


The biggest difference of course is that Paul Clark is a winner, not a spinner!

Follow The Dude

I was rather shocked when I sneaked into the cinema last week.

Before the big picture, we were presented with the following short film encouraging you all to live more like me.

I would have fallen off my seat if I hadn't actually been laying under it!

Serial Loser

Winter's tail

Trotting down Edge Lane the other day I got a text message inviting me to the preview of the excellent Go Penguins exhibition.

It really is all very exciting and good to see that so many local school children have got involved with the project.

I am looking forward to trotting round town to see them on public display, but these three chaps agreed to be photographed with me while still in "cold storage" so to speak.

They were very friendly and certainly well worth a visit.

You can download a copy of the penguin trail map here.

Shutting up shop

We keep hearing rumours that Labour have all but given up on Wavertree, well this could be the proof.

Thanks to one regular reader who send in this photo last week of Labour HQ on Prescott Road, with a For Rent sign outside.

Office space and print room to let? Available from May 2010.
For reasons not entirely clear, Gravy Train Jane rents this office from the owners of Liver Launderettes and, of course, charges this to her expenses.

Of course that this is also Labour's campaign office for the city, complete with taxpayer funded risograph printing press and phone bank (naughty naughty) so the loss of this facility will surely hit Labour hard after the election.

Maybe Lib Dem Colin will put in an offer to house his new office?

Goldringer

I have really really got to stop people sending their own lookalikes in. This week's posting is really starting to stretch the imagination.

A few weeks ago Labour deputy Paul Brant paid for a lavish 007 themed 40th birthday party for himself, hiring the Mersey Ferry for the evening.

How much it cost, we may never know. But perhaps all the money Paul saved over the years by misusing his council parking pass will have helped lessen the wear on his bank balance.

As the night wore on one guest, by this time rather drunk, was actually willing to mistake these two characters for Labour councillors.

A slap in the face

Long serving Labour party members where left seething and insulted after Lou-Bo and Gravy Train Jane invited an "intimate" group to hear David Mili-bland in a meeting at the Devonshire Hotel.

The first most Labour members heard about this was on Dale Street Blues where Mr Bartlett picked up on this secret meeting after my blogging nemesis "bragged about it on her blog," and hailed the availability of FREE tea and biscuits.

Bartlett's blog is now full of comments from angry Labour members who felt they had been slapped in the face by their own party.

Lou Bo, desperate to undo the damage, then claimed every Labour member in the North West had been invited by e-mail. Only for Labour members to respond, "oh no we haven't!"

One member, who was important enough to be invited, tried to defend the decison saying, "Foreign Sec's visits can't be too highly publicised as he needs added security".

So never mind chaps, your only good enough to go out delivering in the rain and the snow. They couldn't invite you because you might be "a security risk."

Go stuff some more envelopes, do some more canvassing, and you might get invited to have a mince pie with Joe Anderson.

While he was here, Bland (who is not a Mili) praised our very own Gravy Train Jane as the saviour of the Labour Party.

Apparently this upstanding woman who, we are told (mainly by her), almost single handedly fought Militant in Liverpool, is the same lady who claims she is quitting politics because those nasty Lib Dems make fun of her expenses.

Ah didums!

Labour thow in the towel

Prospective Labour candidates eyeing up Gravy Train Jane's seat might think twice after reading this article in The Times.

Labour is now so strapped for cash, and so certain of defeat, they are writing off 60 seats where they currently have MPs.

Seats with majorities of 3000 or less face being cut off completely, while others with larger majorities are being made to show evidence of campaigning in order to stand a chance of getting funding.

Meanwhile Labour MPs are complaining about being "fobbed off" with DIY tool kits and three quarters of Labour's 80 seat phone bank is lying empty, as the party has only funds to staff 20 phone lines. "Drastic cut backs" are being made as expected donations "fail to materialise."

It all begs the question if Liverpool Wavertree, notional majority of 3038, has escaped this list?

There has been little evidence of campaigning over the past 4 1/2 years apart from what can be paid for on Jane's taxpayer funded "Communications Allowance". Are the extra 38 votes really enough to save this seat for Labour?

Surprise Berger bash attendance

Odds have shortened on the surprise potential candidate for Wavertree, Luciana Berger, who was spotted sitting next to MP Jane Kennedy at a Labour fundraising dinner at the Devonshire Hotel last week.

Was this a trip to case out the constituency? With this probably being her first visit to Liverpool, it would be interesting to know her impressions.

Jane's obvious favouritism is believed to be causing some annoyance amongst other potential candidates, some of whom have been working with JFK for years.

"We've given up"

With all the current excitement I forgot to tell you all about my recent trip to London.

I popped into a meeting of the Improvement and Development Agency, just to find out what was going on.

From my vantage point under the buffet table I was astonished to spot two vaguely familiar faces, who looked amazingly like councillors Jim Knokes and Claire Wilner, discussing Labour's chances in Wavertree with another councillor.

"We've all but given up holding Wavertree," they said!

Come on, where's your fighting spirit?

Cats and Dogs

Another lookalike send in by a regular reader. Two campaigners on the Liberal-left.

Actress Susan Sarandon campaigned against the war and is a UN goodwill ambassador but I best remember her as the voiceover of Ivy, the stray Saluki, in the film Cats and Dogs. She was really hot!

My fellow blogger, university lecturer and former Journalist Paula Keaveney however is apparently more of a cat person. But I won't hold that against her.

Who would pay for a website like this?

Take a look at Peter Kilfoyle's website.

I know what you're thinking. A rather quaint website from the early 90's that someone forgot to close down? Wrong! It appears to have been created in 2008...yes 2008!

Incredibly he paid £176.25 for this (on expenses of course!) Quite possibly the worst website of the century. Someone saw him coming.

Kilfoyle's Blackwash

Like Jane Kennedy, Peter Kilfoyle is another expert in the art of "blackwashing" receipts.

See if you can learn anything from this one?Thought not. You have to wonder what it is they are so ashamed of?

Keep it in the party?

While the spotlight is on Peter Kilfoyle, I though I should have a look at his expenses.

Under his "communications allowance" we see a £312.50 invoice for the delivery of 5000 leaflets on 25th March 2008.

"£62.50 per thousand? That's a bit steep," I hear you say. Well yes it is, particularly when Trinity Mirror was charging him £17.70 per thousand to deliver the same leaflet in the rest of his constituency.

The invoice was from Breckfield and North Everton Neighbourhood Council Ltd, which has one former Labour leader of the council on the payroll and has another Labour councillor on the board.

Was this declared anywhere?

Keep it in the family

Peter Kilfoyle is under investigation for allegedly paying his daughter taxpayers money to produce an "Independent Report" supposedly proving the need for an elected mayor in Liverpool.

The report goes on to complain about "conflict of interests" and claim there is a "closed and incestuous shop". Would that be the same store you went to for your research Peter?

That anyone could be so stupid to try this on in normal times would be bad enough, but in the current expenses climate anyone with two brain cells to rub together would have realised how this would rightly blow up in your face.

As Joe The Pitbull would say, he should resign or be sacked by his party.

The arrogance of a safe seat perhaps made him think he could get away with it, but it could well mean another Labour held seat looking for a candidate in a few weeks.

Of course this leaves a dilemma for Steve Rotherham, Roz Gladden and others thinking of seeking selection for Wavertree. Why take on a seat you will probably lose, when a seat with a much larger majority might be just around the corner?

Three horse race

Despite Jane Kennedy declaring the "Two horse race" knackered and demanding the vets be called in to put the animal out of it's misery, its looking like there are only two or three serious candidates to replace her.

With a wafer thin majority and a new candidate faced with just 4 months to build a profile and catch up with 6 years of campaigning by Colin Eldridge, it's not expected that Labour will have people battering the door down to get selected. Not when there are safer seats going vacant elsewhere.

I have talked to Labour insiders over the past few days, and here are the odds for the most likely runners.

Roz (married to one of the militant 47) Gladden 4/6

Paul (parking pass abuser) Brant NON RUNNER

Steve (M'lord) Rotherham EVENS

Unknown outsider imposed from London 10/11

Malcolm (ex husband) Kennedy 14/1

Joe (The Pitbull) Anderson NON RUNNER

Anna Rothery 16/1

Liam (St Annes) Robinson 18/1

Luciana (Euan Blair's ex girlfriend) Berger 20/1

Ollie (Boot Camp) Martins 22/1

Nick (Twice Monthly) Small 35/1

Wendy (Pussy Galore) Simon 44/1

Susan (Sue-Bo) Boyle 60/1

Louise (Gratuitously Offensive) Baldock 100/1 outsider

__________UPDATE___________

There has been widespread disappointment (in the Lib Dem camp) as Louise Baldock has announced she will not run. Instead she says she will be behind her candidate, kicking ass big style!!! Ouch!

Runaway Jane

As first suggested (exclusively) on Dude The Dog in August, Jane Kennedy is quitting parliament at the next election.

Among her stated reasons for quitting are the thought of a bitter contest to hold her seat, not wanting to be forced to give up her second (third?) home to live "in barracks", she added that not being allowed to employ her boyfriend after the election was also a factor.

Bizarrely she also claimed that she had tired of “highly personal attacks” from Liberal Democrats. I don't recall leaflets going out directly attacking her boyfriend. Only leaflets questioning her record as an MP and (very mild) questioning of her pay and expenses. In my book that's called public accountability.

Another factor must be the thought of having to dip into her own pocket for a very hard election campaign. Estranged from the leadership, with a tough battle ahead, and a party running on empty, she surely realised that she could count on little help from Labour nationally.

Tomorrow we will have a look at some of the runners and riders to replace her.

In the meantime, I offer her and her new puppy my sincere best wishes for their retirement. Hopefully her large severance payout (her third in as many years) and generous parliamentary pension will make the transition easier, and allow her to spend more time in her French villa.

Salute et encore merci pour le saucisses! Honnêtement, bonne chance et meilleurs vœux pour l'avenir!

Long arm of the law

Another lookalike has been sent in for your amusement, one used to be a law enforcer while the other was a law breaker.

Actor John Savident used to be a policeman before appearing in the cop show Z cars.

Joe Anderson however felt the other end of the long arm of the law, with his publicly self confessed "criminal record" for stealing cash from a parking meter, before later becoming a pub landlord. Yet legend has it that Joe's pub was a million miles away from the cosy Rovers Return.


Keep those lookalikes coming in!

Bonfire night

Bonfire night - not usually my favourite night of the year, although I understand the council have organised some great displays for humans to enjoy.

The loud banging doesn't bother me much, but I'm usually left to comfort friends who find the night too stressful.

Tonight I've been asked to look after my new neighbour Sandy, while his family host a bonfire party.

So yet again I have been using the Dude The Dog patented method of keeping canines calm and peaceful on the loudest night of the year.

And as a public service, Sandy has kindly agreed to have his picture published in the hope that other members of our species will benefit.

The train to nowhere

Now the dust has settled, I thought it was time for an in depth look at some of the individual details of local MPs expenses claims.

Part 1: The train to nowhere.

The idea of publishing expenses is to show that our MPs have nothing to hide. Obviously you would expect things like credit card numbers to be blanked out but Gravy-Train Jane's staff do seem to have gone mad with the marker pen.

Several train tickets such as the one below appear (bizarrely) under the "Communications Allowance" with such basic information as the date travelled, the destination, and even the point of origin blanked out.It's bad enough we don't know who was travelling (Gravy-Train Jane's boyfriend perhaps?) but to cover up the date and destination only adds to the suspicion.

I know train tickets are expensive, but a quick search on trainline shows an advance ticket for even a peak journey to London tomorrow can be had for far less than £82 - but surprisingly a single from Liverpool to Brighton can be had for that very price.

Was the journey for a member of staff to attend an important meeting in Westminster? Or was it for a dirty weekend in Brighton? We may never know.

Sausages and Gravy

Perhaps I misjudged Gravy-Train Jane?

In her latest appearance in parliament Jane Kennedy launched a scathing attack on vegetarianism and a brave defense of British Sausage Week - yes even I missed that one!

Rural Affairs debate 29th October: "May I ask my hon. Friend the Minister to reinforce what he said in the earlier part of Question Time by gently saying to Lord Stern that, during British sausage week, we celebrate a varied diet and the value that it brings; that it should be a question of "all things in moderation"; and that if it is being suggested that vegetarianism will save the world, I am not sure that it is a world in which I want to live?"

Well said Jane, this sausage eating canine salutes you. Although part of me wonders if this is just a cynical attempt to win over your greatest critic.

Gravy-Train Jane went on to attack ministers for their failure to tackle the nations badger menace, linking it into the rising number of farmer suicides. Another hot issue in Wavertree.

More bizarrely, a week earlier she claimed that "many ordinary people in Iran" have been e-mailing her to share their concerns about their country's nuclear programme.

Considering only 47 out of 129 of her constituents who used "writetothem" to contact Jane say that they even got a reply, why they would choose to write to her is anybody's guess.

Terror on fright night

Yet again the Echo have leapt to the defence of poor picked on Joe who was "attacked" by Graham Sankey on Halloween.

As Joe Anderson and his son cowered in terror within their locked car in a traffic jam, Joe was called an "F***ing Grass" and suffered two small dents to his car.

This must be the first time in history a small dent on a car has made it to the front page in such dramatic fashion.

Sankey has (rightly) been picked up and charged for denting Joe's car, but wouldn't it be nice if the rest of us could count on such police and media protection. Just ask anyone who received a car dent or an egg at the window over the weekend.

Meanwhile the Echo refuses to investigate why Joe (according to the Echo's own report) appears to have tipped off a fellow Labour councillor about a child porn investigation (following which hundreds of files were deleted from a computer the day before that councillor was arrested) won't report that Joe is being investigated for bullying a council employee, and for 8 years have flatly refused to print any letter or story criticising Joe Anderson.

Friends in high places?

Another Clein?

If times ever get hard for former Beatle and Thomas The Tank Engine voiceover Ringo Starr, he could always try his hand as a professional Eddie Clein lookalike.

Round 1: Dave v Marc

While it has long been rumoured they don't get on, this week saw the first public salvo between the Post & Echo's Dave Bartlett and Marc Waddington.

Ever the conscientious professional, Dave deleted unpleasant comments from his blog attacking a Lib Dem Councillor's girlfriend. When the Labour poster complained, Dave made the following remark.

I took the view that part of your post was too personal (nothing to do with complaints or otherwise of other people). For the sake of clarifying the rules of engagement vis-a-vis commenting on DSB. You can say whatever you like, so long as it is not libelous, distasteful, or too personal, and while you might call it teasing to bring into the debate the girlfriend of a political foe, that is stepping over the personal line for me.

Nothing to disagree with there, I hear you say. Yet this is widely being interpreted as a swipe at Marc for his recent article splashing Colin Eldridge's girlfriend across the front page.

Well from the public condemnation I've been hearing on the streets, I'd say that Davey B is the people's champ on this one.

Ding Ding!

Two faced gravy-train Jane

As previously reported here (the Daily Post have only just caught up) Gravy-train Jane Kennedy is soon to be hit by the ban on MPs employing their partners.

You would think that after recent events she would keep quiet and accept the ruling, but instead she is planning to lead the rebellion on behalf of Labour MPs who want to continue to employ their wives, husbands, boyfriends, and children at our expense and without any independent checking of their suitability or qualifications.

It has to be asked if she received advice from Joe Anderson before em-barking on this strategy, knowing that he is such a courageous campaigner on such issues, bravely willing to bully innocent young women in order to get at his opponents.

And then there is the Daily Post, printing the heart wrenching story of MPs partners in tears at the thought of losing their jobs. Really touching in this supposed age of hard nosed media.

The question you have to ask yourself is who is more two faced? Jane Kennedy or the Daily Post?

Who's seat is it anyway?

A master of improvisation, this next character was left dumbstruck after accidently becoming an MP in 1997. His employers failed to see the funny side, having been promised he had no chance of winning.

The folk of Enfield quickly corrected their mistake, and this cockney lad packed up his carpet bag thinking that the people of West Derby might like a less independent minded Labour MP, who would do as he was told.

Talent deficit

If ever there was proof that there is a major talent deficit in the Labour party, it's the sight of backbenchers turning to Gravy-train Jane Kennedy as a possible saviour to topple Gordon Brown.

Unfortunatly for Jane, as the Daily Post points out: "Ms Kennedy admitted she was wrestling with fears that the role would drag her away from her constituency – a key Liberal Democrat election target – in the run-up to next year's election."

"My concern would be that I have a very tough contest in my constituency and I need to devote the maximum amount of time to that contest," said Jane.

A tough fight indeed, and she will need all the help she can get from the national Labour Party to help her hold on. Gord help her them!

Bulldog turns chicken

My spies tell me that Lou-Bo chickened out of a major public meeting in Kensington that was discussing the future of her ward last night.

Spoiling for a fight, Lou-Bo, Twice Monthly Nick, Blackpool Liam and Wendy the Weimaraner had actually demanded that a neighbourhood committee meeting be cancelled so that they could turn up to Kensington Regeneration's last ever annual public meeting.

The meeting was discussing plans to replace Kensington Regeneration when it winds up in 6 months time with a Community Interest Company, to be run by the local community with all residents as members.

Even though this is Labour party policy, and the model used by almost every other "New Deal for Communities" area in the country, Labour councillors objected. Instead demanding to control the money themselves so that they could claim credit for how it was spent.

Angry residents got wind of their plans and turned up "mob handed" ready to take on their Labour Councillors, and the police were on hand in case things turned ugly. Residents won support from the Bishop of Liverpool and even invited Lib Dem champ Colin Eldridge along to stand up for them.

Alas the battle was not to be.

Realising that despite two weeks of spreading lies and half truths in the community local residents were still against them, the Labour Warriors turned tail and fled.

It just shows what communities can do when they stand together against Labour.

As a result Louise, Wendy, Nick, Christine & Sharon, and particularly Liam Sir Robbinson, the following song is dedicated to you.

Your fired, darling

Wavertree MP (Gravy-train) Jane Kennedy looks set to be forced to sack her boyfriend under new rules to be approved by Gordon Brown.

Jane has refused to answer questions about how he was appointed, or even how much he is being paid from her expenses for his work as a researcher.

Questions such as who interviewed him (considering Jane's obvious conflict of interest), what were is qualifications for the job, and who assesses his performance have gone unanswered, leading to suggestions that his appointment was either blatant nepotism and a misuse of £1000's of taxpayers money, or a million to one co-incidence.

This is all the more hypocritical considering the public naming and bullying by Pitbull Joe against so called "Libdem Laura" - Assisted by his drinking buddy Marc the Weimardoodle - who's only crime appears to be being in a relationship with a Lib Dem Councillor.

But then we all know that's just a smokescreen to take the pressure off Gravy-train Jane don't we?

Luckily for her constituents, more and more wheels seem to be coming off Jane's gravy train. So Jane as a public service this link is provided for your reference next June.

Little Lord Makinson

This week's lookalike was suggested repeatedly by Joe Anderson, when ranting across the council chamber.

A particular hate figure for most on the opposition benches, several Labour councillors have expressed a grudging respect for his talents as a campaigner, and his continued electoral survival over the past decade in seats that Labour were convinced they would win, despite barely looking old enough to vote.

Reported to the standards board by Joe Anderson more times than I've had hot dinners, you can clearly judge a man by the enemies he keeps.

Labour come 5th

Yet more humiliation for Labour after they came 5th today in a key mayoral by-election.

Liberal Democrats stormed to victory in Bedford, with the Tories second, two independent candidates in 3rd and 4th place, with Labour trailing behind alongside the green party.

Particularly humiliating when you consider Bedford has a Labour MP.

Congratulations to everyone involved including a contingent from Liverpool. Doggy treats all round.

Spelling mistakes

Embarrassed wannabe MP Stephen Twigg and Croxteth's Rosie the rottweiler were forced to issue an apology after repeatedly mis-spelling Croxteth on their leaflets.

The red faced former schools minister described it as a "printing error" on the leaflet entitled "Croxteh Labour Rose" and referring to "Croxeth" within the text.

School teacher Heidi Minnaar told the Echo: “I for one will not be voting for anyone who cannot even spell the name of the ward I live in."

“It is indeed a very poor showing when those who wish to be our voice in politics cannot spell the name of the ward they claim to or wish to represent.”

I'm sure readers will now start picking up on numerous spelling mistakes on this blog, but it really is a bit pathetic if Labour can't spot such a glaring error in the title of your publication.

Fly me to Cape Town

In a blatant bid for a free holiday, Joe the Pitbull today launched a campaign to twin Liverpool with Ladysmith in South Africa, to coincide with the 2010 world cup.

The cynic in me suspects that Joe just want's to go to see the football, without coughing up for the plane fare.

Chris for President

North West Euro-MP Chris Davies today launched an audacious bid to become president of Europe.

Announcing his "Stop Blair" candidature in a letter to European heads of state, Chris expressed a hope that his never having decieved parliament or caused the death of thousands of people, will not prejudice his application.

He finished by informing heads of state that his first executive role was chair of Liverpool's housing committee in the 1980's against opposition from Hatton's Militant Labour party. So chairing meetings of European heads of government should be a doddle after that!!!

As Chris points out, anyone can apply as there is no offical criteria. Even a blogging dog could be eligable.

How about it, should I put my name forward? Dude for President!

The Muppet Show

You could well argue that there are plenty of muppets in the Labour Party anyway, so finding a lookalike is no great deal. Yet the resemblance between this former Lord Mayor and this well known grumpy agitator is striking indeed.

One of the Labour old guard, he managed to survive despite being deselected by a taskforce sent in by the Labour NEC to clean up the local party a decade ago.

Jane's Gravy Train Tales

Someone has passed under my nose a recording of Roger Phillips interviewing Jane Kennedy about her expenses. I have picked out Gravy Train Jane's comments for your amusement.

Jane Kennedy: "I'm being accused of eating and being made redundant and receiving a severance payment."

Err, no luv. You are being accused of milking a system which you helped create over the past 17 years, claiming £13,000 on food and being paid £20,000 for quitting a job - a perk available only to bankers and ministers.

Jane Kennedy: "The total cost of the expenses that I am to the taxpayer of wavertree is about £140,000 a year includes 4 excellent people in the constituency office that has access off the high-street."

Oh dear oh dear, someone has had too many pork pies on their food expenses! You conveniently left your salary out of this figure, which last year was £104,000. So you cost the taxpayer £1/4 million.

Jane Kennedy: "We worked it out at about £2 per voter per year, thats about half the cost of a pack of pick and mix sweets."

You must buy your pick and mix in Harrods - on your food expenses no doubt. And it's £3.38 - you would expect the former Chief Financial Secretary to the Treasury to be able to add up.

Jane Kennedy: "well I didn't come into this job to make a lot of money, if I'd stayed as a council officer when I worked for Liverpool, i'm confident I would now be in a senior position earning considerably more that the £64,000 a year i make as an MP. If I'd stayed as a union official, I would probably be earning more than I am now.

Well she certainly believes in herself even if no one else does.

Jane Kennedy: "And in my time as an MP, two things personally that I have done for the constituency I am particularly proud of.

1. When I resigned as a health minister I was doing so because the government at the time was trying to bring in a formula that would have cut the funding to Alder Hey by £10million.

The second thing I am proud of is I was approached by the Liberal Democrat Council as was Louise Ellman to see if we could use our good offices to secure the £15million for Edge Lane. That is real politics. When the electors come to decide on value for money at the end of the day, I would like them to consider some of the points I am making to you this afternoon."

What a lot to show for 17 years work, I take it all back, clearly you are great value for money.

Jane Kennedy: "What the Liberal Democrats have no experience of is how hard you have to work as a government minister. There isn't a minister in government who doesn't work really hard, and they are working at the moment in extremely difficult economic circumstances."

Which you helped to create as Treasury Minister!

Jane Kennedy: "But you know you do the job because you love it, the pay is just the icing on the cake.

When you were a child did you sneak downstairs in the night and steal all the icing off the Christmas cake?

Jane Kennedy: "But in terms of the packages I have to pay back i'm not even going to get into it."

I bet you're not! You will probably need that money after next May.

More good reasons to joint the campaign to help derail Jane's Gravy Train.

Doggy chips

I don't tend to take much notice of the goings on at the other end of the Mersey, yet this story on Withington MP John Leech's website did catch my attention.

John has been doing a very worthwhile job with the Dogs Trust in promoting the chipping of dogs, to make sure that my colleagues can always be returned to their owners if they should get lost.

But what really made me sit up and notice was his new glamorous assistant, Jessica, who was recently returned home safely thanks the tagging scheme.

Isn't she cute? I wonder if John could introduce me to her?

Councillor Who?

Two Scouse lads made good, one well know for saving the galaxy a number of times from the menace of the Cybermen, the other helping to save Liverpool from a far greater menace...the Labourmen.

A week of crime

Gordon Brown boasted that 12 years of Labour had slashed crime by a third, only to be knocked a fatal blow a few hours later by a senior Labour Councillor.

Joe Hanson (AKA Sergeant Bilko) told street cleaners that his Kirkdale ward has now become so dangerous with knife wielding yobs that they should only work his neighbourhood in the mornings when the gangs are still in bed!

Too often people in inner city areas have long since given up on reporting crime, but why should Gordon care - it makes the figures look better.

I wonder how other Liverpool Labour members feel this week about their party's claim to have cut crime?

One candidate apparently complained to his (Lib Dem) councillor that his bike was stolen while campaigning for the Labour party at the weekend, while there is speculation that my blogging nemesis might also have been a unfortunate victim of crime, after she was spotted in a bruised and disheveled state yesterday.

Not a great week for Labour on crime then. Or anything else!

Playing politics with Hillsborough

Has Labour sunk to a new low?

Anyone typing "Labour" into Google yesterday would have been confronted with an advert attacking The Sun chipwrappingpaper and comparing the paper's recent treatment of the Labour party with it's shameful coverage of the Hillsborough disaster - complete with link to the Labour website.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/labour/6247256/Pro-Labour-Google-adverts-attack-Sun-over-Hillsborough-disaster.html

Quickly realizing how spectacularly this was about to backfire, particularly in Liverpool, our very own pitbull Joe Anderson was quickly wheeled out to deny that this was an official Labour party advert.

Regardless of whether it was official or not, someone in the Labour party thought that it was a good idea. Whoever it was who did this, they need to be quickly hunted down, exposed and everyone involved kicked out of the party - if not then the whole party should be rightly condemned.

Red and Blue can mix

These two are fast becoming bosom pals (with extra marrowbone)!

The one in the red team is a lifelong Blue while the one in the blue team is a lifelong Red. Confused? I think even they are.

After many a cosy chat together, you can start to see a resemblance... well if you put the Pitbull on a very strict diet for a few months, and ironed his face a little.

Of course, both share an interest in receiving taxpayers' money.

With four homes Grayling claiming for a second home (until the expenses scandal broke), even though he lives 14 miles from London. Joe, of course is famous for asking for pay rises from Council Tax payers.

They hope to be working together after next May, which is clearly upsetting some on their own teams.

Kensington Crufts

I'm truly gutted not to have been invited to take part - clearly this was deliberate so as not to cause embarrassment to Jane Kennedy who, in one of her rare appearances, was judging the competition.

Congratulations to the winner anyway.

Standing up for the rich

Owners of £1million+ properties in Kensington and Fairfield will be relieved to hear that their Labour Councillor and my blogging nemesis, Lou-Bo, is sticking up for them against that nasty Robbin Hood character Vince Cable, who's evil tax on the rich would see the money passed on to less deserving poor folk who would just waste it on food and gas bills.

Even worse, she wonders, "Will this penalise the Londoners at the expense of the northerners?"

Less funny is that I didn't see her opposing the scraping of the 10p tax band, which left many hard working families in Kensington and Fairfield up to £400 a year poorer.

Perhaps this is a classic case of wrong blog post in the wrong Kensington? Or has kissing too many Tories driven her to the right?

If she want's to fight the election as the self styled Sheriff of Kensington, then that's fine with me.

Tories back Anderson

If there was ever a sign that there is barely a cigarette paper between Labour and the Tories these days, it was the sight of Tory Shadow Minister Chris Grayling praising our very own Joe Anderson.

“I like Joe, I talk to him from time to time. He’s a decent guy," said Grayling.

News of these cosy chats with the Tories came as a shock to many Labour members, and some will be wondering if there is anyone he won't try to do a deal with in order to get into power.

However, despite his recent admission of being ashamed of Labour, I'm not going to give any credence to the story that our municipal pitbull could in-fact represent the Tories best chance to get a councillor in Liverpool.

In the money

Visitors to a certain chain of bookmakers have been rather disturbed to be greeted by advertising images of a certain former Labour Lord Mayor with a colourful personal life.

His continual success with the ladies has stunned many, his wives included. But fair play to him, he certainly looks like someone who knows where the money is buried.

Lookalike Monday

By popular demand, I am introducing a new season of lookalikes, which will now be in a regular Monday morning slot to brighten up those dreary back to work blues.

And have we got a selection for you over the next few weeks, including a wannabe MP, 4 former Lord Mayors, and a few famous names.

Monday mornings will never be the same again!

Take your dog to work

I'm hard at work in the office this morning, answering the phone, doing a spot of filing and trotting out to welcome visitors.

"Why are you doing this?" I hear you ask.

Well it's national Take Your Dog To Work Day, organized by the Blue Cross, which encourages dog owners to spend more time with their furry friends by taking them into work with them.

Too many of my colleagues are left at home all day to howl and whimper while their owners are out working to pay for their keep. But today you can spend the whole day with your best friend.

Gotta dash, phone's ringing again...

Conspiracy theory

With all the stories about secret deals between Gordon Brown and Colonel Gadaffi, I thought it would be timely to remind everyone that there is many a truth hidden in a conspiracy theory.

Snogging revelation

I am truly shocked at the news that my Labour blogging nemesis Lou-Bo (84 places behind me) has outed herself as, of all things, a Tory Snogger!!!

"I joined friends and colleagues at Manchester Pride last weekend. We marched together wearing our bright red "Never kissed a Tory, never will" T-shirts (not technically true in my case, to be honest it is not the first thing I ask a potential snogee and a few have snuck through over the years" Lou-Bo

I really don't want to dwell on the thought of my nemesis going around randomly snogging tories.

Not that she seems to be feeling much love in Kensington and Fairfield. After three and a half years of rubbing residents up the wrong way, my spies in that neighbourhood tell me that the Lou-Bo name is rapidly turning into a waterlogged earth-like substance.

Has Ellman defected?

I was rather astonished to see this article in today's Daily Mail (not my usual paper I might add) which claims that Louise Ellman is now a Lib Dem MP!

I don't know how that news slipped past me.

Sloppy journalism aside, it was an interesting article. Rightly pointing out that Jack Straw (Labour Justice Minister remember - no matter how much Labour locally try to pretend he has nothing to do with them) refused to free Michael Sheilds until his dad threatened to stand against him at the next election.

What they fail to mention is that Michael could have been free 4 years ago, and anyone else who had actually been guilty of such a crime would by now have probably been let out by Labour anyway.

Feeling a little smug

After my recent success at officially becoming the nation's 16th favourite Lib Dem blog, I was anxious to find out how my local rivals had been doing.

My friendly blogging rival Paula Keaveney came in at a very respectable 30th place, followed by Chris Davies MEP on 33 and Birkdale Focus at 39.

No Merseyside Tory bloggers made the list, with disappointment for Wirral Tory Councillor Chris Blakely, whose blog has so far only brought him a £7000 bill for libel damages and costs.

It was also a very disappointing result though for my Labour blogging nemesis Lou-Bo, coming in at a rather dismal 100th (out of 100).

Bad luck old girl, I'm sure there's someone out there who's reading you. I might pop over to visit tomorrow just to cheer you up...(to your blog that is, I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea!)

---------------------Update-------------------

Louise is very upset by this posting, and I have been asked point out that she came 100/100 on the (loosely defined) left-wing list rather than the Labour one. I am happy to oblige.

Finally Spotted

One of my ornithological friends rang me today to alert me to the return of a rare breed that has come back to England for the winter season.

He was referring of course to the lesser spotted bird of Wavertree, the Right Hounourable Jane Kennedy.

She was not in her constituency of course, but you can't have everything!

Still on holiday!!!

I'm told that Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy is still on holiday at her 3rd home in France.

I thought that the long summer recess was meant to give MPs a chance to spend more time in their constituencies, not sunning themselves in the Dordogne or wherever she is.

Her website says that she has not held a surgery since 24th July, and still no indication of when she plans to start them again. That's what I call service!!!