Tuesday, September 28, 2010

massage the figures

Dude's comments yesterday about Labour membership figures yesterday got me thinking about where these 32,000 extra members Labour claim to have gained since May actually are (a third supposedly from the Lib Dems remember).

Why haven't we seen them at the conference? Line them up ate to the podium to tear up their membership card and condemn the con dems. Otherwise we will assume you have only got what we can see, half a dozen people and a feeble minded canine blogger!

The figures revealed in the leadership ballot result work out at 177,559 members, that's 559 more than they reported in may 2007.

Meanwhile I am informed that Lib Dem membership has increased by over 4000 since May, while just 500 have resigned or failed to renew their membership.

So it looks like Labour's story of mass defection is as much spin as their stories of Charlie Kennedy's imminent transfer to the red team.

Give it up lads, it's fairy stories like this that have stopped people believing anything you say.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Thoughts from the conference floor

Finally got online to update you on the Labour leadership.

As you may have heard Ed-Mili won the backing of my fellow Labour members. Err, well, actually he didn't! The majority actually backed David Mili, and I can actually give you the exclusive figures for Liverpool, which are pretty similar to the national figures.

David 399 votes   Ed 308 votes

So how did the party end up with the candidate it didn't want? Union votes from those wonderful people who hand over fat cheques to the party every time we are on the verge of bankruptcy. Money talks eh?

So Ed wins by less than a 1% margin, as long as you don't include the 36,562 ballots that didn't get counted. Unfortunately 10% of people forgot to tick the box on the ballot paper saying they support the Labour party - yes that almost caught me out too.

I must admit I am relieved that Andy Burnham didn't win (even though the majority of Walton members backed him).

Don't get me wrong, I would be proud to have a Scouser lead my party, but not one who tells journalists that his favourite word in the english language is "gobsh*te" - it hardly projects the most favourable image of our city.

So who did I vote for? Now that he's won I can admit to backing the winning side, as so many will over the next few days! Well, the lovely Luciana told me to.

Meanwhile spare a thought for poor John Prescott, the overwhelming winner of party votes to be treasurer, who was utterly defeated once the union block vote was added.

Still trying to get me head round how Labour democracy works, but isn't it a pity all elections can't be fought this way?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Conference glee

Sorry for not posting this week, I'm still getting over my glee club hangover - I've never had so many saucers of beer put in front of me!

For those of you who don't know, the Glee Club is the last night of conference Liberal get together and sing song.

Far from the despondency and defections predicted by Labour, everyone joined in to mock Labour's arrogant believe that the Lib Dems exist just to act as a life raft for failed Labour governments.

A rendition of "The Pink Flag" went down well, but not as popular as "Lib Lab lie" (to the tune of "American Pie" complete with the memorable chorus:

"So bye, bye to the great Lib Lab lie
That it's made in heaven,
'cos that's pie in the sky
Us Lib Dems will take courage and cry
Tony Blair can F*** OFF and die
Tony Blair can F*** OFF and die"

Actually plenty of Labour readers might enjoy that one!

So on to Manchester, when we will find out which Rubberband will take over stretching the truth for the Liebour Party.

Rumour has it that Labour's highest profile defector will be addressing conference. No not Charlie Kennedy, that was just another Labour lie. Step forward Liverpool's great turncoat, and head up to the podium Dude. You must be barking mad!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Another day protesting against the condems, and this time people actually turned up to join us, perhaps they got the day wrong, or didn't want to be associated with yesterday's Labour only event.

Plenty of shouting and tub thumping going on by those of us willing to brave the rain, it's just that I can't help wondering if we were wasting our time.

Yet again the police kept us so far back from the conference centre that I don't think any of my former Lib Dem friends could see or hear us.

In the end we all just laid down our arms (or placards) and surrendered to the rain. Unfortunately my new Labour friends don't seem to share my concern for the environment, leaving The Strand strewn with litter and placards in a scene akin to Bill Bryson's famous festival of litter.

I can't help but feel that the sight of a filthy Liverpool street won't be a more lingering image for these thousands of visitors to take home than our rather lame protest. As much as I love them, sometimes your friends can be such an embarrassment, don't they realise that it's now a Labour council that will have to clean up their mess?

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Dude day

Had fun today leading the demo against my former Con-Dem friends.

My new Labour comrades even chose to call the event "dog day" in my honour. Bless them. They really know how to make me feel welcome.

OK there was only about 20 of us, but we made our presence felt, even though those nasty Lib Dems got us banned from protesting outside the conference center by using our own anti-terror laws against us. 

I even had to suffer the indignity of having an over-familiar sniffer dog sticking it's nose up my bottom. Talk about being deep searched!

How illiberal can you get? Don't they realise that we brought those laws in to repress our own opponents, they have no right to use them against is. It's just a sign of how right wing the yellow Tories have become! 

Oh well, looking forward to a bigger protest tomorrow, paws crossed I don't get my fur wet again.

love and licks,

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Where's Wendy?

Wendy Simon, unfairly described on Roger Philips during the general election as "local mediocrity" by a Wavertree Labour member, became one of the first cabinet members to claim her free trip to China this week.

I am told that in order to avoid any embarrassment to Wendy, who is up for election next May, the Council have refused to disclose how much this trip is costing taxpayers. But rest assured it was a pretty penny.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Personnel affairs

Randy Alan Dean is well known for having an eye for the ladies, particularly those under his command! So much so that his affairs have apparently already cost him two marriages.

His second wife is rumored to have walked into the Labour office in the Municipal Buildings and found him in a compromising position with a council official he was working with.

Since then, he has become a big cheese in Merseytravel, where he rose to the rank of Chair of Personnel.

Now Alan is a man who likes to take an in-depth interest in his portfolio, so it's perhaps no surprise that his interest turned to his director of personnel, and his interest became morepersonal than personnel!

A conflict of interest, you would think? So of course, as you would expect, he quickly resigned from that role? Answers on a post card please! (hint - the answer has two letters and begins with "n")

Friday, September 10, 2010

Willkommen Deutschland

One of the biggest surprises on this blog is how big an international hit it has been, particularly with the 1245 of our German friends who logged on to this blog in August alone.

Wherever in the world you are reading this, Dude and I extend you a warm Scouse welcome, and hope you keep coming back to the web's number 1 source for Liverpool politics!

Oh and in answer to your question, no Liverpool politics isn't all like this. We just show you the warm and fluffy side of the town hall capers!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Labour busters

Croxteth is well known for it's haunted hall, so widespread stories of ghosts in and around the area come as no surprise. It has even been suggested that they need to call in some sort of ghost-buster.

Yet Labour sources tell me that ghostly activity has recently been increasing in Croxteth, and there are even rumours that the infamous Stay Puft Marshmallow Man has been spotted stomping the streets (although not too often).

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Playing sardines

Dude, I warned you that I will keep retaliating every time you post your Labour supporting drivel!

Perhaps you should try looking at what Mac the Knifeman is going to cut next?

Top of the list appears to be Millennium House, built at great expense by the last Labour Council, but now being considered for disposal.

So where are they going to put everyone, I don't hear you ask? Well, squash them all into the Municipal Buildings, or any other old building the council can't get rid off, seems to be the plan.

So perhaps not the best time to start sacking the cleaners eh? Soon to be slashed by the Mac-Anderson coalition.

No wonder most decent managers have already fled the sinking ship, those that is who haven't been forced to walk the plank because their faces don't fit.

Mac the Knife won't mind how crowded and smelly the offices get though, rumour has it he is currently being head-hunted!... ok, I'll let you make up your own jokes on that one.


Monday, September 6, 2010

Yes, we have no bananas!

Great news for fellow fruit haters! Our fab new Labour Council has con-demed free fruit to the history books.

Apparently, the Lib Dems had been wasting £1000's of taxpayers money to force feed local school kids with bananas, apples, oranges and such muck. Where, I ask you, was the fun for me in scrounging off passing school kids, when all the could offer me was a piece of satsuma?

No more will I suffer the humiliation of kids pelting me with pieces of mangy melon! Labour have freed local kids to go back to scoffing much more wholesome options, crisps, chocolate, biscuits, yum! I am drooling already.

With any luck, they may also have saved enough money to tag me on to the next jolly to Shanghai, if I can find my passport. 

Now Joe, any chance of chucking us a piece of your meat pie? No, I was only kidding... Please stop growling at me Joe!