Great news for fellow fruit haters! Our fab new Labour Council has con-demed free fruit to the history books.
Apparently, the Lib Dems had been wasting £1000's of taxpayers money to force feed local school kids with bananas, apples, oranges and such muck. Where, I ask you, was the fun for me in scrounging off passing school kids, when all the could offer me was a piece of satsuma?
No more will I suffer the humiliation of kids pelting me with pieces of mangy melon! Labour have freed local kids to go back to scoffing much more wholesome options, crisps, chocolate, biscuits, yum! I am drooling already.
With any luck, they may also have saved enough money to tag me on to the next jolly to Shanghai, if I can find my passport.
Now Joe, any chance of chucking us a piece of your meat pie? No, I was only kidding... Please stop growling at me Joe!
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