Cat gets man in hot water

In a relentless and hopeless effort by Joe Anderson and his barfly Waddington to smear Wavertree's MP in waiting, dirt has (literally) been dug up on the Lib Dem candidate's cat.

After his cat was suspected to have defecated in a Labour supporter's sandpit, Eldridge was facing Labour calls to apologise and immediately have the cat put down.

The repulsive act is being reported as part of an offensive anti-zionist/homophobic/racist/anti-Christian/fascist/crypt-communist (pick at least one of the above) slur, potentially leading to international condemnation and questions in the European Parliament.

In a damming report in tomorrow's Daily Post, Eldridge is briefly allowed to point out that he doesn't actually own a cat, before Joe Anderson is quoted demanding his resignation anyway.

"The fact the cat had previously been seen sitting on Eldridges's wall proves he is associated with it. Nothing less than his resignation and the cat's immediate destruction will be acceptable," said Labour's Councillor Joe Anderson.

Louise Baldock seized on the news, immediate blogging that this fascist feline outrage was proof that even Eldridge's mother-in-law can't still be planning to vote for him after this.

The report will be repeated in the Daily Mirror the following day, minus Eldridge's statement.