Pile on the £Pounds

You would think that an MP claiming £13,000 worth of food on her expenses wouldn't be so churlish as to complain about putting on weight?

Not so for Jane Kennedy who was featured in the Independent in 2006, complaining how being a
Labour Minister can pile on the pounds (clearly on both your hips and your bank balance!)

"You find you can't get into the dress sizes you want to... You start to think: 'I'm looking dreadful in photographs'... So I started WeightWatchers in June (2005) and by September, I'd lost half a stone." Jane Kennedy January 2006

Jane, I know you're an opponent and I shouldn't really give you advice, but I can recommend trying out Dude's top weightwatchers tip.

BUY LESS FOOD YOU GREEDY HUMAN!!! You will lose weight, and the rest of your electorate will save money! It's win win all round.

Harry Potter & the Lib Dem campaign

No sooner do I get back from watching the latest instalment of Harry Potter (had to sneak in and watch from under a chair - why is it OK for cinemas to ban dogs?) we find out that our big screen hero is in fact a Liberal Democrat, at least when he's back in the muggle world!

On Gordon Brown, Daniel Radcliffe has this to say: 'Paul Merton said, and I agree with him, "It's a tragedy that this man has waited all his life to do this job - and now he finds out he can't do it."

But he's equally scathing about Cameron, who is "barely distinguishable from Tony Blair." Adding that Labour and the Tories "have nothing to offer to young people."

So as well as being a fantastic and versatile young actor, he also has great political judgement!

Congratulations to Daniel for coming out (politically!) I am sure he can help add a bit of extra magic to the campaign.

Annual Dinners

Clearly their is a pecking order for political annual dinners, the more important your constituency is, the bigger the speaker.

I'm told that in recent years Liverpool Lib Dems have had Nick Clegg, Lembit Opik, Paddy Ashdown, to name a few. And I am really looking forward to Vince Cable sharing is economic wisdom with us in a few months.

In contrast, Little-Totherington-Under-Wold Liberal Democrats recently had to make do with a speech from me, on the subjects of beating Labour and the importance of keeping your campaign workers fed and watered.

Labour in Southport have the same problem of course, so it no wonder that, according to my blogging nemesis Lou-Bo Bulldog, they had to make do with West Derby wanabee Stephen Twigg. No doubt sharing his vast expertise on carpet bagging, and what to do if you accidentally get elected after telling your employer that you are just a paper candidate.

Vote Dude

I know many of you have been hoping for a chance to vote for me, well here it is!

Total Politics have opened the voting for your favourite political blogs. Email your ten favourite blogs (ranked from 1-10) to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com

The rules are simple.

1. You must vote for your ten favourite blogs and ranks them from 1 (your favourite) to 10 (your tenth favourite).
2. Your votes must be ranked from 1 to 10. Any votes which do not have rankings will not be counted.
3. You MUST include ten blogs. If you include fewer than ten your vote will not count.
2. Email your vote to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com
3. Only vote once.
4. Only blogs based in the UK, run by UK residents are eligible or based on UK politics are eligible.
5. Anonymous votes left in the comments will not count. You must give a name
6. All votes must be received by midnight on 31 July 2009. Any votes received after that date will not count.

VOTE DUDE THE DOG - you know it makes sense

Swine flu update

News just in that Mrs Blair is suspected to have caught a mild case of swine flu.

I trust she will get well soon, but I wonder if this is a legacy from a decade of having a snout in the trough?

Never knowingly missing a freebie, I will never forget the story of how she was in Liverpool for the unveiling of a train, and was offered a commemorative Merseyrail mug. Her response? "Can I have a set of six?" This from a family on at least £1/4 million a year + expenses. Oh how the other half live!

Badger butcher

Even though Liverpool Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy has been sacked as a Farming Minister she promised to carry on fighting for farming issues "from the backbenches".

She told the Yorkshire Post that she may take up the fight in favour of slaughtering Britain's badger population, saying "I always found it hard to explain why we were culling cattle with such severity but not moving against wildlife."

While I am sure that news will be welcomed by some members of Wavertree's farming community, I'm not quite sure how in touch she is with most of her constituents.

And you have to wonder if rural affairs are taking too much of her time? For instance, I don't recall seeing her campaigning to stop our burns unit moving to Manchester, even though Alder Hey is in her constituency.

Personally, I'm on the side of the badgers, if we are going to allow them to be shot, lets arm them and give them a chance to fight back!

£13,000 for food

What has Jane Kennedy been eating, Caviare and lobster every night? Does she shop in Harrods?

I'm talking about the shocking news that JFK (as her ex is rumoured to call her) has managed to spend £13,000 on food in just four years, and claimed it on her expenses.

Since this is supposed to only be food for her London home, where she lives alone for half the week, we can only assume she spends just as much the rest of the week when she is back in Liverpool with her boyfriend.

Perhaps she could furnish some recipts to show that she doesn't live in opulance when we are paying the bill, but more within her means when she is paying?

News that this information was being circulated around Kensington was enough to send my nemesis Lou-Bo into a rage at the Newsham Park Arts Festival.

Jane really should get down to that nice Mr Moffat's shop, I'm sure he will do her a good deal on sausages or a piece of pork, which should keep her satisfied for days without landing the rest of us with a big bill.

B.S.E (Buy Shedloads on Expenses)

Tabloid Shocker

Thanks to my mate on Fleet Street for sending me an exclusive preview of tomorrow's front page, exposing the Kensington Ward Councillor's latest outburst.

More farmyard antics

Rosie's tuck shop

It's not been a good week for renegade Rosie, who today has been subject to rather cruel and uncalled for comments about her weight in the Daily Mail Size 16 female Labour MP claims crisps, doughnuts and a whole tuck shop full of goodies on her expenses.

I won't take the moral highground because I am rather partial to the occasional doggy-choc myself as well as any other treats that humans are willing to pass my way.

Some of us are just naturally preconditioned to stuff our faces at every opportunity, get over it!

Another £6K Bathroom

Skem MP and former Liverpool Councillor Rosie Cooper has emerged as the latest Labour MP to have expensive tastes in bathrooms, having her £6,376.99 bill rejected by the normally lax fees office. But to save her from wilting too much, they did let her claim £16,000 to renovate her second home.

Do Labour MPs feel they have the right to have bathrooms befitting of senators in ancient Rome?

Degsy wastes HIS OWN money, for a change

Ok, its small fry compared with what he cost the city, but do we feel just a little bit sorry for Derek Hatton now he has lost £300,000 of his own money in his latest Cyprus property venture? Err, to be honest, now we don't.

Should I post this?

I though long and hard before agreeing to post this latest lookalike, sent in by one of my lovely readers.

After all, she has had a tough time, feeling disappointed and let down, been pilloried by the press and rumoured to stressed, tired and emotional. Dare I do anything else that might contribute towards pushing her over the edge?

It was a tough call, but in the end I thought I shouldn't engage in censorship. My public had a right to see this so that they can make up their own minds.

Want a passport? Deliver Labour Leaflets!

I don't normally look at the Daily Mail, but I was just astonished to read this.

It now seems that 50 hours helping the Labour party deliver leaflets or stuff envelopes will help you to get a British passport.

Now don't get me wrong, I am all in favour of the idea of community service being used as a factor to help evidence a claim to citizenship, but it's just typical of Labour to be so prescriptive and set targets. And is it really voluntary work if you are doing it just to get something in return.

Well we know what the Daily Mail's agenda is (after all this is the paper that originally backed Hitler & Mussolini and praised Oswald Mosley with an article entitled "Hurrah for the Blackshirts") but lets look at this from the other end.

One of the biggest single casework issues MPs get are immigration and asylum issues. There is something very offensive about the idea that a politician could say to someone asking for their assistance, "Deliver leaflets for me and then I will help you get a passport."

I truly hope that no politician is temped to take advantage of this involuntary labour force to try and get their message out. I can think of few actions that could be more shameful to British politics.

In defence of my second home

Some people have questioned why my second home expenses are so small, and say that I can't really be living in that kennel. Well I am appalled at those comments.

Do you know what this is about? People feel sorry for me. I've got a very, very small kennel. Some people say it looks like a dwarf's shed, but it's a late 20th century timber framed dogs kennel. It's not particularly attractive, but it just does me nicely and it's got room to actually plant a few blades of grass.

I still don't know what all the fuss is about. What right does the public have to interfere in my private life?

Not smearing but spinning

If you noticed smoke billowing out of an office on Prescott Road this morning, it was most likely coming off the keyboard of Matt Finnegan, Jane Kennedy's highly paid spin master.

By the evening, Jane Kennedy's office was flooded with letters of support, which where dutifully sent off to Daily Post columnist (and Paul Brant lookalike) David Bartlett, who promptly posted them on his blog in order to inform and amuse his reader.

Surely this is just the sort of shameless New Labour spin that Jane Kennedy has railed against? No, as she told Jeremy Paxman last night, "I have no problem with spinning... I separate spinning from smearing."

Oh dear Jane, you slipped off Matt's carefully crafted script there didn't you?

One of the supportive letters said, "You were always game for a fight if the cause was just."

So lets look at the just causes you were not prepared to fight or resign for.

- An illegal war in Iraq - VOTED FOR
- Making local kids pay for the education you got for free - VOTED FOR
- Introducing ID cards - VOTED FOR
- Stripping the nation of it's civil liberties - VOTED FOR
- Student top up fees - VOTED FOR
-Foundation hospitals - VOTED FOR
- Greater freedom of information - VOTED AGAINST
-An investigation into the illegal war in Iraq - VOTED AGAINST
-Cutting benefits to the disabled - VOTED FOR
-Re-opening Broadgreen A&E (which you supported in opposition) DID NOTHING EVEN WHEN YOU WERE A HEALTH MINISTER
Locking your constituents up for 3 months without trial - VOTED FOR
-Cutting benefits to lone parents - VOTED FOR
- Making the sick and elderly sell their homes to pay for care - VOTED FOR

So on every just cause where you could have stood up for the people who voted for you, did you fight? No you rolled over for Blair & Brown to tickle your tummy! No wonder humans have such contempt for politicians these days.

Kennedy Sacked

So Jane Kennedy says she has been sacked. Or has she resigned?

This is all very odd, since people normally try to save face by insisting that they resigned rather that admit they have been sacked. Jane seems to have got this mixed up.

Does she get a redundancy payout if she's sacked as a minister, but nothing if she resigns? That could explain it.

Now, no longer on £104,000 a year, she will be more in touch with the ordinary folk of Wavertree, as she scrapes by on a mere £64,000 + the £400 a month she claims for food (even I couldn't eat that many sausages) + £200 for gas and electric, £200 for telephone bills and £200 for service and maintenance and the £xx,000 she pays her partner as a "researcher".

Tough times indeed, might even have to sell the gîte darling.

Nevertheless a risky strategy. Gordon is no doubt ordering the removal of all central Labour party support from Jane's already lacklustre re-election campaign and no high profile ministerial visits for you (actually that could help - Ed).

Still, at least you will get about £60,000 redundancy pay after the next election (half of it tax free).

_______________UPDATE_________________

Interesting Echo Comment column tonight.

"So, Wavertree MP Jane Kennedy’s view is that she was sacked from the government, while the PM’s is that she resigned.
It’s pitiful, isn’t it? No wonder the country is in turmoil. Do they even know what day it is?"

Oh I laughed until I was left panting for breath!

One term Rosie?

I know I am stepping out of my geographical boundary again, but I couldn't help noticing the astonishing meltdown in the Labour stronghold of Skelmersdale.

The Skem MP (and former Liverpool Councillor Rosie Cooper, who defected to Labour with a promise of a seat in parliament) looks like toast at the next election. Unless she can defect again, to the Tories!

Labour meltdown part II

So yet again Labour have come third (in a real election) behind the Liberal Democrats, and lost more than half their councillors and every council they were defending.

Labour appear to have given up the ghost. I reported yesterday that even The Bulldog hasn't bothered to put up a Labour poster, and I have since been told that Picton Ward Labour candidate Timbo the Terrier (who lives opposite a major polling station) didn't want to be publicly associated with them either.

Apparently Labour didn't even turn up for the opening of ballot papers last night - completely unheard of - unable to bare standing to watch the extent of thier crushing defeat. as they already knew that the Labour vote would collapse across the city.

Best news of the night? Well my sources tell me that the BNP didn't have much to smile about last night from Liverpool's results, and decent Scousers literally queued to get into the polling stations to vote to keep the fascists out. Good humans!

Turnout was up massively compared to 1999, which was the last time Liverpool had a European Election that wasn't all postal.

Labour are sure to face even more calls for a General Election as their infighting causes the pound to spiral and they drift from crisis to crisis. This little dog says, "Bring it on!"

Borris dunking

Fab video of the mop haired clown of London getting in deeper than he expected.

Labour in meltdown

Must admit that I yapped with delight on seeing the resignation of Hazel Blears - Idol of my blogging nemesis, The Bulldog. Perhaps she is feeling a little let down by her heroine (apparently she hasn't even bothered to put a Labour poster in her window) but here is a reminder The Bulldog's view on "what makes Hazel so special."

Meanwhile the rest of Labour is imploding, lets wait and see as the results trickle in over the next 4 days. Just so long as the BNP don't get in, paws crossed anyway.

I have already trotted down to the polling station to do my bit. Have you?

"BNP tactics"

More trouble on the other side of the moat, with Wirral Labour under fire from their own members for employing "BNP style tactics" against a Labour councillor who quit the party last month.

I would like to say I am astonished, but after they tried to jump into bed with the BNP in Burnley nothing would surprise me.

Labour in 3rd place

Latest poll shows Labour in 3rd place on 22%, with the Lib Dems on 25%! The writing is clearly on the wall for them, no wonder my blogging nemesis no longer wants a General Election on the same day as the local elections.

Can older readers tell me when was the last time a party in government was in 3rd place in opinion polls?

And some pundits are even predicting Labour could come 4th in next week's European Elections.

Labour's sinking ship

It's been a bad week for Labour, and not just nationally.

In the space of a few days, two Labour councillors on Merseyside have had enough and torn up their membership cards.

Bootle's Paul Larkin quit the Labour party saying they have become deaf to the concerns of ordinary people. It is a double blow to Labour as Paul was agent to Crosby MP Claire Curtis-Thomas - who is not only expected to loose, but could even end up in third place at the next election! Councillor Larkin has now joined the Liberal Democrats, and I raise my paw in salute to him.

Meanwhile on the Wirral, Denis Knowles quit the party saying that he was ashamed of Labour.

In a letter to his constituents he spoke of his "everlasting shame" for voting with the Labour party, but now he has resigned, "I personally feel as though I have had a burden removed from my shoulders and can hold my head high."

Oh, and Wirral South's Ben Chapman, as featured on these pages last week, has been the latest to announce he will be standing down as a result of the expenses scandal.

Yes Labour's ship is definitely sinking.

Another lookalike

OK I hear you say, you have liked the Lib Dem lookalikes seen so far but how about some more famous names?

Well how about this one of the new Lord Mayor of Liverpool, sent in by another loyal reader. Although I doubt Alfa will speak to me again for publishing it. Still a blogging dog can't compromise his journalistic integrity for friendship can he?

Hale & Kelly

I know some of you love them and some of you hate them, but here is another lookalike, from a reader who noticed a resemblance between Woolton Councillor Malcolm Kelly and one half of the Hale & Pace double act.

Labour laugh at suicide victim

Heartless Labour councillors laughed hysterically when told that their election leaflets had driven someone to throw themselves in front of a train.

During a debate at last night's council meeting, councillors heard how a former city councillor who, having suffered a mental breakdown, committed a serious crime. The courts however did not sentence him as they recognised the crime was a result of his breakdown. That of course didn't stop Labour plastering the city with leaflets to humiliate him, even though he was no longer a councillor.

Apparently unable to live with the shame, he threw himself in front of a train at Otterspool - (At this point many Labour councillors burst out laughing!)

To be fair, some Labour councillors looked horrified at the heartless reaction from their colleagues.

Perhaps they need reminding how the Lib Dems refused to play on Clubmoor Labour Councillor Ben Williams charged and currently being retried for child porn offences.

Shameful BNP deal

It's become a familiar scene on Merseyside to see Labour and Tories unite to keep the Lib Dems out of power, but it seems that in some places they will go even further.

Last week Labour and the Tories tried to join up with the BNP in Burnley to force the Lib Dems out of power. The move failed because one decent Labour councillor refused to join them in bed with the BNP.

The make-up of Burnley Council is: Lib Dem: 22 (+1 vacancy) Labour: 11 Tory: 6 BNP: 4 So Labour and Tories would only have been able to form an administration with the support of the BNP!

I want it on the record that I don't think all Labour members are "bastards", and I'm sure that thousands of decent Labour members will feel thoroughly ashamed that this was done in their party's name.

My expenses revealed

Like everyone else I am outraged at the lavish and in some cases corrupt expense claims by our MPs.

So in the interest of transparency I have published my monthly expense claim below to show that I have nothing to hide.

To be honest I don't agree that I should be allowed to claim for some of these, but I am only claiming what I am entitled to (and everyone else is doing it).

Everyone that knows me will understand that I did not go into political blogging for the money, I am only claiming for necessary expenses to enable me to properly represent the K9 political community.

I have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. And no, I won't be paying any of it back (apart from the £21 claim for human food - which was a mistake).

I realise that some of you may think this extravagant, but all these are legitimate costs of running a second kennel in the city centre so that I can be at the heart of the political scene.

And to prove I am not living in luxury at your expense, I have included a picture of my second kennel which is, to be honest, a bit of a slum when compared with dogs in the private sector.


Can I also add my bark in support of those calling for an immediate General Election (although this is strictly a personal opinion as I haven't consulted anyone yet!)

Your faithful cannine representative
Dude
XXX
The blogging dog you can trust!

Eagle's flipping disgrace

The first Liverpool MP to be named and shamed in the Telegraph is Garston's Maria Eagle who, the Telegraph claims took flight with £1000's of our cash by "flipping" homes.

In 2005 the Eagle got a £7140 bathroom makeover, getting her bathroom fully tiled and fitted with a luxury thermo-shower - but the fees office only allowed her to claim £3,500. Meanwhile she also was claiming £240 a month towards her mortgage for her luxury apartment in Mossley Hill.

Just 4 months latter she "flipped" her second home to her London home, and started claiming £739 a month for that mortgage.

Even worse, she backed a Tory bill to keep MPs' expense claims secret.

In her defence the Eagle squawked that her bathroom was 35 years old and needed renewing - at £7,000! What planet is she on?

Lets see what her constituents have to say.

..........................UPDATE..............................

Now the story is in today's Echo.

Meanwhile Wirral South's Ben Chapman is insisting he won't repay the £15,000 he claimed from the taxpayer for mortgage interest he no longer paid. He insists he did nothing wrong and was merely claiming compensation for his for no longer having a mortgage! Arguing with the fees office he said, "by paying off capital I am forgoing interest and investment opportunities elsewhere."

Obviously he is forgetting he now has a valuable asset in London, part paid for and furnished at our expense - yet we should compensate him for the inconvenience of finding himself in this position.

Sergeant Bilko

Thanks to Mr Doberman for sending this one in.

You may remember a very poor attempt at a big screen remake of that 50's classic, Sergeant Bilko, with Steve Martin taking over the title role.

Perhaps they would have had more success with the Kirkdale Councillor and Phil Silvers lookalike - who by happy coincidence used to work in the Halewood motor-pool?

Trigger happy

Readers have said it is time for a few Lib Dem lookalikes.

You may not what your GP to be Trigger Happy, but the resemblance between the affable Doctor Chowings and the nation's favourite annoying mobile phone user is quite striking.

A brown bush?

Well this explains everything!


I'm surprised Private Eye haven't picked up on this one, right down to that winning smile.